Valentines

Raise your hand if you're like me and hate Valentines Day with a hot pink fiery passion. See how much I hate it?

No, really. I literally woke up Thursday morning thinking, "Oh dear God, help me through this stupid, mushy holiday." Little did I know that he would actually give me quite a big distraction. I also didn't know that on Valentines Day of all days I would experience "love at first sight" for the third time in my life.

I really cannot go into detail about things here. Maybe one day in the far off future I will be able to disclose the details of what I can only describe as a 4 day emotional roller coaster that made me want to throw up and did make me cry. In fact I'm still crying because they haven't raised the bar for me to get out yet but, if I'm honest, I'm not sure I'm ready to get out and walk away.

I know most of you are probably scratching your head trying to crack the code and I'm really sorry that I cannot explain better. I know you're now probably thinking, "Well, why write a stinkin post about something you can't write a post about?" I asked myself the same thing, but there are some of you out there who honestly do care about our family and actually pray for us... that is why I am writing this.

If that last sentence described you, here is what you can pray for:

• For our peace in God's plan for our family. That we would continue to trust him completely and believe that he is good and loving even when we are hurt.
• For God to give us wisdom as we continue with our adoption.
• That God will continue to provide what we need financially for our adoption.
• For us to have grace and strength.
• For three individuals that we care deeply for... that God's perfect will will be done in their lives and that they will feel the love of the Father.
• For the Indian government and adoption officials... that God would move on their hearts and that they would act in the best interest of the orphans.

Finally, I do want to publicly praise Lance. He has been so loving and patient with me since Thursday. He has been a pillar of strength for me to cling to and I rejoice that God has given me such a wonderful man to do life with. 

Well, I think that's it for today. Thank you for your prayers.

Until next time. -K

Anxious About Everything

Just so you know, this post is probably more for me than anything. Sometimes I write posts just to get stuff off my mind, to put a date on what's going on and how I feel about it. You know... The Spin Cycle Diaries. Your mind is now blown I'm sure. ;-)

So, Kristian, how do you feel? I feel anxious... anxious about everything. If I made a list it would probably just make me even more anxious so I'm going to pass on that. I guess my biggest point of anxiety is the adoption. There are these three looming questions that have been really harassing me this morning: 

• Do you really have what it takes or are you fooling yourself? 
• Will God really provide?
• Is this whole thing just going to fall apart now that your heart is in it?

As I write out these questions, I can see now how they have an ugly little tag that reads "To: Kristian From: Lucifer" but it's so hard to notice that tag until I've already unpacked the questions and allowed that anxiety to sink in deep.

Asher saw me crying this morning and he asked, "Mommy, why are you crying?" I answered, "Mommy is kind of scared. Sometimes even mommies get scared," and that was the honest truth... sometimes mommies — sometimes I — get scared (of course "anxious" sounds less cowardly so we use that word).

Why do I have such trust issues with the One who has never failed me? Why is it so easy to forget what God has done for me in the past and trust that he will provide in the future?

When I read in the Old Testament about the Israelites, I always shake my head and think, "You people have such terrible memories! You watched God part the Red Sea and protect you with clouds and fire but yet here you are freaking out about what lies before you. Don't you have ANY faith in the God who has provided for you over and over again?"

I'm sorry Israelites, I was wrong to judge you so pridefully. I too have a terrible memory!

So, I sat here and stressed out for a while, but the Holy Spirit reminded me of a piece of scripture:

Phillippians 4:19 "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

That's the verse that came to my mind and it was what I needed to hear, but as I turned to it, my eyes went upward and I started with verse 4:

Phillippians 4:4-8 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

THAT was what I REALLY needed to hear! 

So now let me answer those questions...

• Do you really have what it takes or are you fooling yourself? No, I don't have what it takes but God will be our strength. He will enable us to do what he has called us to do!
• Will God really provide? Yes, my God will supply every need. Even though it is hard to see how he can possibly provide what we need, he is faithful... he has always been faithful.
• Is this whole thing just going to fall apart now that your heart is in it? Even if it does and my heart breaks into tiny little pieces, Christ is enough. My hope is in Christ not in an adoption. Christ is enough.

Okay, I feel better now. Until next time. -K

Day 5: Chick-Fil-A and Hamstrings

DAY FIVE!!! Y’all, after today, I will have gone five, count em, five whole days without eating lots of foods I love (aka BREAD). Jesus said that man cannot live on bread alone, but I’m pretty sure I could come close. No bagels (I told Lance last night that a bagel would have rocked my pants off at that moment... he offered to go get me a bagel), no toast, no sandwiches, no pizza, no crackers, no pasta, no granola bars, no sweets and... NO Chick-Fil-A!

Hang on while I go rip my clothes and pour ashes on my head. Kidding... well sort of. I miss my Chick-Fil-A y'all! 

Jeff Fox Worthy had a hilarious bit on Chick-Fil-A complete with a Nell impression. I have called it Chick-Fil-lay-lay for years now. Unfortunately I cannot find a video of that anywhere, so here’s a runner up...

Over all, things have been going pretty well so far. Not as horrible as I thought. I really do feel that God has strengthened me and begun to give me a healthier view of food. I found out yesterday that I can still eat grits on a gluten free diet. That made me oddly happy. Although, yesterday was an exception for the whole “going pretty well” thing. Yesterday was about as fun as when your child steps in a huge pile of doggy poo and then proceeds to do laps around the living room. Yesterday = Crapy.

Lance woke me up at like 6:00am so we could do our Can You 24 “Melt” workout. I was still sore from the first time we did that. Apparently I didn’t stretch or warm up well enough because as soon as I went into my first set of lunges it felt like somebody was ripping my hamstrings out of both my legs. I have NEVER had hamstring issues, so I have no clue what the deal was, but I was hurting pretty badly. I decided not to continue the workout for fear that I would injure myself more than I already had. I could barely walk. I went back to bed for a while and when I woke up I iced both legs. That helped some... or maybe the help came from the 800mg of Ibuprofen that I took. Who knows. I moved around as little as possible which was probably a good thing because I was craving sweets and carbs something fierce. I went back to bed around 1:00pm and when I woke up my legs were much, much better. Still, not a fun day!

Today, I woke up feeling better still! Yay! I didn’t do the workout this morning but I may do the Core Stretch this afternoon. I’ll see how things feel.

I’m not going to tell you my weight (a lady never tells that), but I will share my progress. As of today, I am down 3lbs and I’ve lost over 7.5 inches all over. I feel better during the day (except for yesterday) and I’m sleeping better at night. Praise the Lord for the start of a healthier body!

The gluten free deal is frustrating a bit, but I’m really praying that it will help make my body healthier and cure my acne. I think going gluten free is frustrating mainly due to this...

There are a TON of awesome gluten free recipes... for desserts and breads and waffles and more desserts. While I am loving the fact that there are recipes for these things, I kind a would like some real meal ideas! I guess I will just have to go buy a cookbook soon. 

Okay, so I guess that’s my update. I can’t really think of anything else right now. I will just plan to give another update in a few days. :)

Until next time! -K

Day 3: Convictions

Well, today is day 3 of our AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge and me eating gluten free. It’s going well so far. I’ve had some temptations but I have held my ground... a whopping three days. Lance and I started the Can You 24 workout on Saturday and we love it. We both broke a sweat but it wasn’t too hard, so we kind of felt that it was of little consequence. No pain, no gain. Right? Oh. My. Word. We. Were. So. So. Wrong. The day after the first workout we both feel like somebody beat us with a lead pipe. This morning we got up and did the core stretch which felt so darn good. I will start giving more specific updates later on.

Today, I want to post something that is related to our health goals but on a more spiritual level. Let me start this out with a disclaimer: First, I aim this post at Christians. Second, I am not trying to promote legalism with this post. I’m not trying to give you a bunch of “do”s and “don’t”s to condemn you and I am by no means pointing fingers.. well just one and it is pointing at myself. I simply want to raise an issue that I have been convicted about over the last couple of days; one that I think most Christians don’t really even consider. So, please read this with grace in mind. Let’s begin with the Word...

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

These are two verses that I have been meditating on the last couple of days. I know 1 Corinthians 6 is in reference to sexual sin, but the truth remains that if we are Christians, then the Holy Spirit does indeed dwell within us and we should glorify and honor God with our bodies. I’m guessing that most Christians consider their “honoring God with their bodies” complete if the following boxes are checked (these are just off the top of my head)...

•  No excessive drinking
•  No illegal drug use or prescription abuse
•  No tobacco use
•  No fornication
•  No self-mutilation 
•  No inappropriate attire

But one thing I think the vast majority of Christians (at least in American society today) never even think about is their relationship with food and how they maintain their body through exercise (I’m really going to focus on food). 

For most of my life, I have valued food only two ways; how it tastes and satisfies my senses and how it comforts me.  And I don’t believe I’m alone in this. I think most Christians have an unhealthy and unbiblical relationship with food. I believe the lack of awareness and concern about this is mainly due to how grossly food is abused and wasted in our consumeristic culture. Christians, as a whole, have been conformed to this world in this area. Have we not?

Think about food and drink advertisements and all the self-indulgent adjectives that are being used or implied to promote said food and drink. Think about how we flock to that new chain restaurant or downtown cafe and pay money we can’t afford to spend just to get the town’s biggest, greasiest burger or the most authentic Italian pasta (guilty). We often gorge ourselves to the point of discomfort for a few minutes of indulging our senses (guilty). We reward and bribe our children for good behavior with with deserts and candies (guilty). We get upset if all the donuts are gone at church before we get one (guilty). We look forward to holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas because of the vast amounts of delicious foods we will be able to consume (guilty). We use food to cover up stress, depression and anxiety (guilty), and when we do chose to “diet” it’s a result of our desire to better fit society’s definition of attractive (guilty). I could go on and on and on. Food is an idol in our culture.

The statistics of obesity in America say volumes. Almost 36% of Americans are obese... not just a little chunky but obese. This is sad, y’all! What’s even sadder, is the fact that our churches adequately reflect those horrible statistics as well. Look around! Now, please hear my heart on this; I am not making fun of or putting down people who are overweight. I myself have been overweight. Really it’s not the weight or size that I’m concerned about here... it’s the mindset that leads to these results that bothers me and I think it should bother every Christian that desires to honor and glorify God. 

Let’s go to the beginning...

Genesis 1:29 “And God said, ‘Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food”

Genesis 9: “Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you,”

Okay, so God intended for us to eat what he provided. He created us to need nourishment from plants, fruits and animals and I believe he provided them for our pleasure as well. BUT He also (and supremely) created us to worship Him and take pleasure in Him. We abuse and idolize what God provided for our nourishment and enjoyment, therefore we do not glorify Him... we glorify ourselves. We do not rejoice in God’s provision and goodness, we rejoice more in our own satisfaction. We have no control over food but rather it has control over us. When we do attempt to take control over food, we do it in our own strength for our own selfish and vain reasons (this was the source of my own health goals). This is not right. I believe it is sinful and I believe we pay the penalty for this sin in our bodies as we are plagued with chronic illness and pain, cancers, disorders, an diseases (I’m not saying that sickness and disease are sent to punish us when we sin, just that there are consequences to our sinful actions). We were not created for this type of relationship with food. 

So what should our relationship with food (and exercise for that matter) look like? Let’s look back at 1 Corinthians 10:31; “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” No matter what we do in life we should always strive to glorify God, because that is what we were created to do. I believe we should glorify God by viewing food with gratefulness, an attitude of worship and joyfulness. I believe we should also be good stewards of our bodies and not be slave to food, because as Paul also says in 1 Corinthians 6 12-13 “‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything. ‘Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food’ --and God will destroy both one and the other.” 

At every meal we should be reminded of the goodness and the provision of God. He gives us all that we need including food. We should thank him for it not with just a memorized "grace" or "blessing" but with a truly grateful and humble heart. 

We should be amazed by the beauty of God’s creation. It should inspire worship in us that He ordained every detail of every living thing. He created our digestive system, our sense of taste and smell. Think about how perfect it is down to the very last detail? We are fearfully and wonderfully made!

And we should find joy in eating the food he has provided (especially together). Our sense of taste is so amazing and God has created so many unique and complicated things for us to enjoy with this sense of taste. God wants us to enjoy his creation. I believe it pleases Him when we savor a juicy steak or crave a sweet, ripe strawberry, but we must be ever careful to take pleasure in it as the creation of God and give Him the glory. 

Finally, we should use food to nourish and build up our bodies not to defile it and break it down in the name of pleasure and fulfillment. Our bodies are truly not our own; they were bought with a price and they are a temple to the Holy Spirit. Too many of us do not take care of our bodies the way God intended for us to. I don't think I need to go into what that means... I think we all know what it means to eat healthy and take care of our body.

What if we walked into our church sanctuary on Sunday morning and found that a wild rave had taken place there the night before? Maybe the carpets were ruined with stains of food and drink and vomit, the walls were smeared with excrement and painted with graffiti, there were signs of rampant debauchery all over, and the chairs were thrown everywhere amidst piles of garbage. Our place of worship would have been defiled. We would be disgusted that the very place where we usher in the presence of the Lord had been a place of such sinful indulgence the night before. Obviously, being bad stewards of our body is a bit different than a rave in our church, but my point is that our bodies are sacred temples that house the very presence of God, yet we allow our bodies to be defiled by sinful indulgence. Am I making sense?

I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to convict you of ways you may not be honoring God with your body especially in the area of food and exercise. I have been praying that God would give me a holy view of food and exercise to replace my selfish views. I pray that, with His strength, I can take control over this aspect of my life and no longer allow it to control me. I pray for you and if this is an area of need in your life, I pray that God will give you the strength to do the same. 

Well, I guess that’s it. I will give y’all a better update later this week. 

Until next time. -K

Happy New Year!

Okay, so I didn’t get around to posting about our family’s Christmas traditions. I’m actually kind of bummed because half of them didn’t even happen this year. :( I was really looking forward to eating Chinese buffet on Christmas night! Anyways, I just didn’t feel like detailing all the wonderful Christmas traditions... that apparently are not tradition enough! Bleh! But it’s a new year, so let’s just move on and hopefully our 2013 Christmas will be full of more of our family traditions. 

I love the first of the year! It always feels fresh... there is fresh hope in the air. The previous year is finished, done, gone, and now we have a whole new year ahead of us. Most people set resolutions, but I’m not so great at them. I’ve only truly kept a few. So, I tend just to set broad goals and have a general direction that I want my life to go in for the next year. That suits me a bit better.

This year is slightly different and my goals are a bit more concrete. For one, we have two little girls to bring home, so one of my big goals (which I actually set back in the fall) is to have a minimum of $30,000 in our adoption fund by the end of the year. Another goal for myself is that I would show more grace to my family (and as I write this, my boys are about to tip me over the edge of madness). The one goal I want to talk about today is my health goal...

In December of 2011, Lance and I found something that truly changed our life; AdvoCare. I was simply looking to loose a few pounds and create a healthier lifestyle, but AdvoCare was way more than that for us. Not only did it help both Lance and I get into the best shape of our lives (I went from a size 12 to a size 6), it also pushed us to grow personally. We really feel that God provided AdvoCare for this specific season of life, and we are very thankful for it and for the friends who shared it with us. 

One of the things we learned about through AdvoCare was the “slight edge.” A slight edge is  something that is quite small and seems of little consequence, but over time if you allow a slight edge to creep in, it changes things a great deal... for either bad or good. Over the last three months or so, Lance and I have discovered the harsh truth of the slight edge and unfortunately, not for the good. We allowed the busyness of life to create slight edges in our health and lifestyle. Skipping workouts turned into no workouts. Eating out here and there turned into eating out way too much. One soda turned into lots of sodas, etc. Before we realized it, we were heading down the same road we were on before AdvoCare found us just over a year ago. Then came the holidays... enough said. While I can still fit in my pants (which amazes me after all the junk I have eaten) I just feel gross and I don’t like it! We have GOT to recreate our healthy habits!

So, one of my biggest goals for 2013 is to get back on track health wise! AdvoCare just released a new 24 day workout program and I am really excited about starting it. I’m not a big gym person, so I think this is going to be a wonderful fit for me. Lance and I did the Insanity workout for a while, but it is in fact insane and totally killed my joints. I did however like the fact that I could look like a total idiot in the privacy of my own home with only my children laughing at me. We’ve gotten the Can You 24 workout ordered along with another 24 Day Challenge (what we first started on in 2011) and I plan to start as soon as it all comes in next week. I’m not going to speak for Lance, but hopefully he will join me. 

On top of using AdvoCare products and doing the Can You 24 workout, I will be following a gluten free diet. Here’s why...

Yes, that is my almost 30 year old face with no makeup. Sorry if it scares you. Of course this was taken with my iPhone, so my face looks super fat. I hate to even post a picture, but I want to be able to show you progress... if there is any. I am so tired of having acne! It’s gross, it's embarrassing and it's depressing. I have tried just about everything you can imagine and nothing works. 

If you’ve read some of my older blog posts, you know I am a professional at self-diagnosing. The other day I was doing some research and decided that I just may be sensitive to gluten, which could be causing my acne. I have lots of reasons to think this might be the case, so I am going to give the gluten free lifestyle a try. Heck, it’s basically how we all should eat anyway. I will also be doing my darn best to cut out all refined sugar *cries a little*, because I'm pretty sure I have an addiction to sugar equal to that of a heroine addict. I'm thinking sugar combined with the gluten is not making my body and especially my skin happy at all!

Over the next month or so, I plan to post updates about my health goal progress. I’ll post some pictures and such and let you know how I’m doing and feeling. If you see me or talk to me, feel free to ask me about it. Accountability is a good thing. :) 

Oh yeah, I also have a goal of growing my hair out this year. We will see how that goes. If I can just get here (minus the blonde but maybe plus that awesome sweater) I think I’ll be in the clear...

So, what are some of your goals or resolutions for 2013?

Q&A Adoption Update

Alrighty, I’m back! I’ve been spending all my free time in gamblers anonymous after returning from Vegas! Those penny slots, which are terribly named by the way, are quite addictive! Totally kidding, y’all! I hate gambling! I stopped while I was a whopping $5.00 ahead... oh wait, no, I think I was actually $5.00 down. Oh well.

But seriously, you guys should just come to expect large gaps between posts by now. I mean lets just be open and honest here... I stink at this pretty bad. So, savor this post as you read it. You never know how long it will have to hold you over for!

We are ready for Christmas in the Ogden house! Hooray! I guess we should be since it is indeed Christmas Eve! Yikes! Where has this year gone?

We took a different route this year in regard to presents (thanks to the suggestion of my friend Jenny) and it has been WAY less stressful for me! I think we have found a new family tradition! Maybe I will post about our traditions on Wednesday as my children recover from their sugar highs and wrapping paper cuts. I hope all of you are enjoying the holidays, too. :)

I posted a FB status the other day that mentioned our adoption, and judging by some of the “Wow! I had no idea!”s that I got, I figured I should post an adoption update despite the discouraging fact that not much as changed. I have been working diligently on my autobiography for our home study and I finished it Friday. To be completely honest, I’m having some withdraws from answering probing questions, so I thought I would do the update via a Q&A post. 

Some of these questions people have actually asked, some we’ve asked ourselves and some we assume people are wondering but just don’t ask. You’d probably be surprised which are which. For the record, I’m ok with people asking me questions as long as it’s not something that will harm my children (they definitely listen). I know there’s been a lot of hype about “%@*& people say to adoptive parents” floating around in the adoptive-mom-blogosphere, but, as of 12/24/2012, I am not easily offended by questions and comments... ask me again in about three years. 

Enjoy your update and answers...

You’re adopting? I had no idea! Yes, we are indeed adopting. We shared our decision with family and friends back in September. We are adopting two little girls. Currently, we’re in the first portion of the process called the home study. This is basically an application to be parents... even though we already are. The home study will probably take about 8-10 weeks. We have our first visit or meeting with Lifeline (the agency doing our home study) on January 15th! Yay for some progress!

What made you choose to adopt? Long story short, God. He began to lay adoption on our hearts back in 2009 when he showed us how we, as Christians, have been adopted. We feel adoption is a beautiful example of the gospel that is near and dear to the heart of God. 

Are you adopting domestically or internationally? Why? We are adopting internationally from [country in Asia]. We chose [country in Asia] because we wanted to adopt from a country where the gospel is not free to be preached. 

Aren’t there like a ton of kids here that need homes, too? Yes, there is a heartbreaking amount of orphans in the USA, but we feel that God is calling us to adopt from [country in Asia]. We are not against domestic adoption and who knows, God may call us to adopt domestically one day, but today, He’s calling us to adopt from [country in Asia]. 

Will they be sisters? Yes, they will be biological sisters. [Country in Asia] will not allow you to adopt two unrelated children at the same time! This was kind of a “BOO!” for me because I kind of see it as a probable delay in referral, but God has our girls picked out and it will be a perfect match at the perfect time.

Why don’t you become foster parents first to “try it out”? I didn’t know you could “try kids out” but at this point in our life, we don’t feel called to be foster parents... we feel called to be adoptive parents. I will say however, that God has really been working on my heart about fostering and state adoptions. So maybe one day we will “try some out.” Grrr.

How much is it going to cost? Ummm including travel, it’s going to be around $50,000 total. 

Why is it so dang expensive? I used to get huffy about this myself before we started this process. I thought, “Why does it cost so much money! If it were cheaper, then more kids would probably be adopted!” That’s a logically thought process, but honestly, the $$ is pretty legit. There are agency fees, government fees, country fees, travel expenses and a ton of little random things... it just adds up.

So you just make a load of money and have that all saved up? No, we definitely don’t make a load of money (and we aren’t good enough at chemistry to raise it Breaking Bad style either) and we certainly don’t have stacks of $$ resting sweetly in a savings account. As much as the cheapo in me wishes it wouldn’t cost so much, I kind of feel like it’s a required part of the journey for our personal growth. As a control freak, this is hard, but we have to trust that God will provide what we need. We have seen His provision already and it’s truly amazing. So far, we’ve raised over $3,000.

But you don’t have a have a big enough house or car for four kids! Our house is definitely smaller than I would prefer, but we feel that this is where we need to be for the time being. We will likely look for something bigger shortly after the girls come home. And a swagger wagon is definitely in my future. The Cube will be making it’s exit probably around this time next year. 

Why don’t you just sponsor a bunch of kids or buy an orphanage with all that money? Well, I think those are great things to do, but God has called us to adopt. *Smiles ever so sweetly*

So how long does it take? TOO STINKIN LONG! We really don’t know how long it will take, but our guess is it will be another 18-24 months. Bleh! Actually, [country in Asia] isn’t even taking international adoption applications at the moment because of backlog and probably won’t start up again until after February. We aren’t sure how or if this will effect our timeline yet.

Do you know who your girls are yet? No, we won’t likely get a referral for a while.

What do your kids think? I think Asher is pretty blissfully ignorant about the whole situation, but Brayden is pretty open to the adoption. After all, he was the one who prayed for a sister for weeks on end. Now he prays for his sisters. He asks questions sometimes. We talk about it on a fairly regular basis.

Do you really want more kids? Like 100% more? Well, had you asked me that a few years ago, I would have quickly said, “No way! Are you crazy? I don’t want to be out numbered! Two is plenty enough!!” It’s funny how our plans don’t always match up with God’s plans and it’s also funny how he can change your wants. Of course the thought of four kids is slightly terrifying when I consider how the wine section calls me by name when I take only TWO children to the grocery store by myself. I ask God quite often, “Are you sure about this?” He hasn’t said, “Just kidding!” yet.

Don’t you have enough on your plate right now? Ummmm yes, yes I do have enough on my plate, but I also have two little girls who need to come home. So what’s your point?

Won’t you get a lot of stares, comments and questions since the girls won’t look like you? They won’t look like me? :) Yes, I totally expect the stares and Qs. I’m sure they will get annoying, but that’s just part of the deal.

Are you adopting special needs children? I think a sibling group is technically considered “special needs” but yes, we are open to some special needs. 

How old will they be? When we first started talking about adoption I had a cute little one year old (note the singular form) pictured in my head, but now, I’m guessing our girls will be somewhere close to our boys ages. We really want Brayden to remain the eldest child, so that means they will be younger than six.

So do you have to go there to get them? Yes, one parent must travel once to India and stay for about 1-2 weeks. We will both go, though. 

Aren’t you worried they will have, you know, emotional issues? I would LOVE for things to go smoothly and never have any “issues” but I’m preparing myself for the worst regarding the transition period. Thankfully I have several adoptive friends who go before me, and I know they will be wonderful resources of wisdom and encouragement. Selfishly, I don’t want my children to have any issues of trauma, neglect or abuse, but I know that God has already chosen the perfect children for our family... no matter what that looks like. He will be our strength... that’s where my hope lies.

Don’t you worry that you won’t love them like your “real” kids? First off, I think the “real kids” term is probably going to be the one thing that does bother me. Our girls WILL be our REAL kids. They are just as much really ours as our boys are! I have absolutely no worry at all that I will love my girls with the same unconditional, motherly love as I have for my boys. I know this because God has already began to grow this love for them in my heart despite the fact we have yet to even see their faces. 

Don’t you think this is unfair to your “real” kids? I mean this is really going to affect them!  My “real” kids already think life is unfair, but honestly, I think this is the best thing for our boys. I just have to trust the hearts of our boys to the Lord.

There seem to be a lot of people in your church adopting, is that why you’re adopting? Well, as I said before, we felt God calling us to adoption back in 2009. Then, we only knew two families who had adopted. I will say that I think seeing the support of our church for adoption was definitely encouraging, but we are simply being obedient. I wish more people, in more churches, all over our city would be obedient. 

Can we ask any other questions we may have? Sure! Why not!

Well y’all, that is it for now. I have laundry to do. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with your families! If you think about it, pray for our girls... that God would send his angels to comfort them, that they would not hurt or go hungry, that wherever they are they would not be lonely, that God would whisper in their ears that their family loves them. 

Until next time! -K

Confessions

We aren’t going to church this beautiful Sunday morning (I’ll explain), so I felt the intense urge to embrace the Catholic ritual of confession. Instead of a dimly lit, private confessional, I’m using the internet. That’s just as private, right? 

Here’s my confession: I am a terrible, awful, down right rotten mommy-nurse! 

Seriously, y’all, it’s bad! If by some crazy spoof I was in the running for “Mother of the Year” award, I’m officially disqualified now that the stomach bug has found our little house. Let me paint you a picture...

Thursday night, we all went to bed happy and healthy. I was looking forward to not having to run out the door to take Asher to school and actually being able to get some stuff done around the house.

Friday morning I am awakened by the sweet sound of, “Mommy! MOMMY! My belly hurts!”  I drag myself out of bed and fuss for Asher to go to the bathroom and go back to bed. He obeys and then, of course, starts throwing up IN his bed. Vomit and bedding... my favorite combination!

I’m usually not a squeamish person, BUT I. do. not. do. vomit. well. Guess who is the only person in our house capable of cleaning up vomit. Yep, you nailed it, ME! You so smart!

When there is vomit involved, I am not nice. For some reason, it’s like I’m personally offended by the vomit. I know they don’t do it on purpose and in fact cannot help it at all, but try to tell my stomach that! And I know I should be sympathetic and sweet, but y’all... it’s vomit. Immediately, my face goes into involuntary “this is totally disgusting” mode, I’m holding back my own vomit and “Ughhhhh... bleh... Ewwww!” is slipping out between held breaths. Clean up cannot go fast enough and people cannot get far enough out of the way. If it's covered in vomit, washable and cost less than $15 it's probably going in the trash. 

Once I do get it cleaned up, I know I should go snuggle in close to my sick child and kiss their sweaty head while they continue to deposit last night’s partially digested dinner into the toilet, but my senses are being assaulted and apparently my senses are cowards. The most I can muster is a back rub with an outstretched arm. My affectionate word choices include, “Are you done, baby?” and “Do you feel better now?” Internally, these are pleading prayers for a end to the nastiness. 

After the first episode of upchuck, I am anxiously awaiting the next, because it’s rarely just one... that would be too easy. I watch the culprit patient very carefully for any sign of impending sickness. If they open their mouth for more than 2 seconds I am sprinting across the room with a bowl and frantically asking, “Do you feel like you’re going to be sick again?” Avoiding vomit clean up at all costs is vital!

So, Asher had the bug all day Friday. He got very efficient at using the provided bowl. I love my Pampered Chef mixing bowls by the way... maybe this one a tad bit less now though. For the record I did not make him sleep on the floor. That was his choice. 

Last night and today was Brayden’s time to shine. Lance went to a friends house last night for some bearded buddy time, so I took the boys to Burger King for an ice cream cone, because they are good and they are 69 cents. 

Immediately upon finishing his ice cream, like not even 30 seconds after his last bite, Brayden said his belly hurt. We have a bit of a “boy who cried wolf” situation with Brayden and belly aches. He usually gets them when we are asking him to finish his meal and they magically go away when people mention dessert. So my oh so sympathetic reply was, “Reeeeally?!?!” He said it really hurt so we headed home. I put the boys in bed and Brayden started screaming that his belly hurt bad. 

Now, you have to understand something else about Brayden. He acts like you are ripping his fingernails off when you try to cut them and if he falls and scrapes his knee you would think he was in need of a knee replacement. If “dramatic” started with an “e” it would have been his middle name (all the men in Lance’s family have “e” middle names). I’m not sure what we did as parents to encourage this behavior, but whatever it is, DON’T DO IT!

Rational conversation is completely pointless when he is like this. I ask him, “How bad does your belly hurt?” and he replies, “I CAN’T SAY HOW BAD IT HURTS. ONLY ME KNOWS BECAUSE IT’S MY BELLY.” Alrighty then! That was helpful. I ask, “Do I need to take you to see a doctor, baby?” and he says, “NO!! I AM NOT GOING TO THE DOCTOR... Will they give me a shot? AHHHHHHHHHH!! I WANT DADDY! PLEASE CALL DADDY!” No problem! Gladly! This screaming went off and on for about an hour. Somewhere around 9:30pm Brayden went to the bathroom, and let’s just say we finally understood why his belly hurt so bad. I knew what was probably coming next... it showed up around 3:00am. Vomit. Then again around 7:00am and this time it was all in the bed. Perfect! Two for Two!

After repeating the clean up scenario from Friday with a few more gags and ill tempered word blurts, I announced that we were out of Ginger Ale and sacrificially volunteered to get dressed and go to the store. I mean somebody has to do the hard stuff right? 

Brayden has had it a bit worse than Asher, but he’s actually handled it like a champ. He hasn’t complained too much about throwing up. He did, however, scream like a banshee when his brother dropped a book on his forehead shortly after this picture was taken...

So that’s my confession. I do not have the “good nurse-mommy gene” and I’m not quite sure how to acquire it. For the record I also lack the “good nurse-wife gene” either, so this nasty little bug better be done with this house. Just Sayin!

Until next time! -K