One Last Step!

I don't have a ton to say other than...

WE
HAVE
WRITTEN
ORDERS
!!!!!!!
PRAISE
THE
LORD
!!!!!!!

This means we only have ONE step left before we can get on that plane! The home is applying for the girls' passports on Monday September 29th! We need to have the passports by October 15th (17th at the latest) in order for us to travel on October 22nd... *coughs* my birthday!

Please pray with us that, despite the THREE holidays in the first half of October, the passport office will get the passports done FAST! We are ready to get our babies! 

Until next time! -K

Because He Loves Us

I sat in a pop up camper with a few other India-mommas and a glass of wine. Two of us were on on the "gotcha" side of adoption and the other two of us were on the "waiting" side of adoption. As we sat there talking about all things adoption, I confessed. I let it out. I told my friends what I feared the most at that moment. 

"I'm so scared," I said like I was trying to shove stubborn words out past my front teeth, "I'm scared that it's all going to fall apart. I'm scared that we will lose them somehow. There's no way I can handle that."

Little did I know, as I sat there sipping wine, that I would face that very fear a mere week later. That fear would become my reality. It would all fall apart. We would lose them.

September 19, 2013 was one of the worst days of my life... ever. You can read about that day here. 

I can't even count the number of times I asked God "Why?!?!?!?" hoping I would wake up the next morning with the revelation of why God had allowed our girls to be taken away and given to another family. We had taken a huge leap of faith and followed where we felt He was clearly leading us. We stood firm on this decision even when others told us we were in over our heads. Yet after so many wide open doors, He slammed this door in our faces. Why?

Today, I think I can answer that question... because He loves us. He loves us more than we could ever begin to comprehend. He loves us too much to leave us alone. 

Our pastor shares this J. I. Packer quote often, and I just love it so much...

"And still He seeks the fellowship of His people and will send them both joy and sorrow to detach their hands from the things of this world and attach them to Himself’."

While losing our girls was one of the hardest things we've ever faced, I truly believe it was one of the most loving things God could have done because it forced us to detach our hands from this world – from three little girls – and attach them to our Father in Heaven. We learned to praise him despite our pain. We learned to trust him even in the dark. He was all we had and we learned that He really was enough. 

Today, a year later, as I stand on this side of the sorrow being the legal mommy of those same precious girls, my heart is exceedingly grateful for God's love – a love that allowed us to face our fear so we could find our hope, a love that allowed us to feel real pain so we could find true joy. 

Don't misunderstand me. God is not unsympathetic to our pain. He is not unkind in how he deals with his children. He sees our tears. Jesus says "blessed are those who mourn because they will be comforted." He is our comforter. 

Consider Mary and Martha who wept over their brother Lazarus. Jesus loved them. He waited until their brother was stinking dead so that they could witness Lazarus' resurrection. Maybe that's what they needed to see so they would truly believe Jesus' resurrection. Maybe Jesus waited so they would detach their hands from this world and attach their hands to himself. Yet,  knowing the miracle he was about to perform, he sympathized with their devastation. He wept with them. Yes, Jesus loved them.

So, my brothers and sisters in Christ... for you who are waiting, for you who are hurting, for you who are searching, for you who are being crushed, for you who are in mourning, for you who are in the dark... for all of you who are asking "Why?!?!?!?!?" for whatever reason, take a breath and trust with all your heart that the answer is because he loves you. He loves you...



Until next time. -K

Thoughts On Passing Court

As I mentioned yesterday, we have PASSED COURT! For those of you who aren't familiar with adoption, passing court in a paper pregnancy is like being at 8cm dilated. They ain't gonna send you home empty handed! You ARE having a baby... or three! 

I'm to going back up a little bit to give you a better idea of what a big deal passing court was/is for us. Let's get in our Delorean and set the time travel clock to February 16, 2013. We had seen the girls faces for the very first time two days earlier on Valentines Day, and honestly it was love at first sight. I cannot explain it, but looking at their faces was like looking at someone I had known for years. We felt the connection! On the morning of the 16th we got this email from our agency:

Hi,
I just got an email from the home and they are telling me that even though the laws are written that you can adopt these sibling girls having two bio children, the current courts are not granting these cases.  The courts are denying them.  With this in mind, I think that you need to pass on these girls and wait for a single child.  I am very very sorry to have put you through this journey.  A year ago this was fine.  Things keep changing.

God has this all worked out.

I remember feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me. I sat in an auditorium filled with thousands of people who were completely oblivious to the strange pain I felt and cried into Lance's chest. That night as we lay in bed we both stared at the four pictures we had been sent of these precious girls. We admitted this sad news was just not sitting right with us. It was more than just disappointment. We didn't have any release from these girls. Now, I understand why we had this unsettled, no release feeling.

So, having this warning in the back of our minds, we were slightly anxious entering the court process. This was the final approval we needed and all the other approvals would be worthless if the Judge ruled against us. I hope this explains why passing court this past Tuesday was so HUGE! After going through all that we have on this journey, it feels SO amazing for things to be complete. The words below are some of the most beautiful words ever! 

I know I've explained the last couple of steps in previous posts, but I just wanted to go over them again for those of you who have been asking about our timeline for travel. 

Right now, we are only waiting on TWO things! We are waiting on written court orders and passports! 

Yesterday, I got an email from our representative. She confirmed that we had passed court (which we already knew because we had read the notes from the hearing online) and said the home was expecting written orders next week! This would be AWESOME! A couple of other families with children in a different Delhi home have waited a bit longer for their written orders, so it would be so great if our home is correct and we get the orders next week! 

One of the other Delhi families told me their home has said passports are taking about 10 days. This home does probably 4-5 times the number of adoptions our home does, so I'm really hoping they know what they are talking about! I think I would pee my pants if we get passports in 10 days! Our home said it would take a few weeks. We will see who is right!

IF we got written orders by the end of next week and passports two weeks later, we could be ready to travel by mid October! Eeeeeeek!

IF we got written orders by the end of next week and passports three weeks later, we would be ready to travel by the end of October which will be around Diwali and my birthday! I would love this except everything would be shut down, so it would be hard to get everything done that we need to get done in Delhi. I'm unsure what to do about this, but it may not even be an issue so I'll worry about it if it becomes one.

IF we got written orders by say the end of the month and passports took three weeks, we would be ready to travel around the beginning of November! 

Of course all of this is purely hypothetical and we could be delayed at either of these steps, but I really believe we will be home before Thanksgiving! 

Thanks to all of you who have prayed alongside us through this very long process! Please keep praying for these last two steps to be completed quickly!

Until next time! -K

Glory To God! He Has Blessed Us In Abundance!

This time last year we were one week away from one of the most devastating days we have ever experienced. On September 19, 2013 we were told our referral for K, K and R had been given to another family and that family had accepted. There was nothing WE could do! We cried many tears that day and over the months that followed because we didn't know all that HE would do! 

Today, a year later, I once again sit in tears, but this time they are not tears of devastation, they are tears of JOY! Today, we celebrate our DAUGHTERS! We learned this morning that our cases were passed in court on September 9th! It is complete! They are ours! Praise the Lord! He has blessed us in abundance!

So it is with great, great joy that I introduce to you...

Twenty-Seven Months Pregnant

This "paper pregnancy" (aka adoption) began in June 2012... 27 long months ago. We shared our exciting news  in September 2012. We found out we were "pregnant" with triplets of different ages on Valentines Day 2013. We were told we had a "miscarriage" in September 2013. We surprisingly discovered we were still "pregnant" with triplets in January 2014. Here we are in September 2014 and we are still "pregnant"!! Ready to POP pregnant!!

"Now Kristian," you say, "pregnancy is so different from adopting. They are two totally different experiences" 

NO, NO, NO!! You, my friend, are totally and absolutely wrong! Adoption is so very much like pregnancy in oh so many ways! I have been physically pregnant twice so I know! Ladies who are adopting or have adopted and have never been physically pregnant, you have totally experience pregnancy and then some! Don't ever feel like you missed out! I promise pregnancy and adoption are basically the same thing if you take out the 1,805,336 emails, 12 reams of paper, Braxton Hicks contractions and an episiotomy. Please note some of the "symptoms"...

1. You get fat. Everyone says you look great but you know you're fat. "It's just baby weight," you try to tell yourself as you rub your baby bump.
2. You're fat because you can't stop shoving donuts and ice cream and more donuts into your face. Gotta fatten those babies up right?  
3. You crave odd stuff like the little crunchy fried bits that come in the bottom of your Captain D's fish basket (don't judge me) and gigantic cups of ice cold milk. <---- also why you're fat.
4. You're husband and family think you are a certified nut job. (See numbers 5 and 6 and 7)
5. You are moo-dy. PMS ain't got nothing on a paper pregnant momma. The bad thing with paper pregnancy is there might still be PMS too! So fun!
6. You cry about everything. You cry when you're happy and you cry when you're sad and you cry when you're mad. 
7. You can't... you can't... oh what was number 7? I had it a minute ago. Oh yeah! You can't remember JACK! Like not a dang thing! Adoption pregnancy brain is real, people!
8. You can't sleep. 
9. You have weird dreams.
10. You get heartburn! <---- because you're fat.
11. You're back hurts and your feet swell! <---- probably because you're fat.
12. You have to pee all the time. Maybe it's just me getting old.
13. You spend hours on the internet researching paper pregnancy and what to expect.
14. You read books with charts and diagrams, symptoms and solutions.
15. People ask you when your "due date" is but you haven't got one.
16. You start nesting.
17. You have lots of false labor and it sucks when they "send you back home"!
18. You think of something else you need for your children just about every day. Pullups, hairbows, socks, sippy cups, car seats, etc.
19. You enjoy complaining chatting with other paper pregnant women. You keep up with everyones progress! 
20. You get the pleasure of picking names!
21. You are tired all the time. Naps are your best friend.
22. You can't wait to pack your bag but you really don't know what to pack and you're sure you won't really know until you're there and don't have it or don't use it.
23. You wonder if your babies will be hard or easy.
24. You try to imagine what life will be like but you just can't. Although you know that once they are in your arms you won't be able to imagine what life would be like without them.
25. You long for the day that you won't be pregnant anymore!

So yeah... I'm totally twenty-seven months pregnant! Come on labor!

Until next time! -K

Five More Wake Ups!

I am beyond thrilled to share that case #s 133, 134 and 135 were indeed OUR cases! K, K and R were present in court and their names were in the court notes from the 2nd! I am so thankful to know without a shadow of a doubt these cases are ours! We were pretty sure they were ours, but there was still the chance they could have belonged to somebody else. Now, there is no question about it! 

As we expected, there should be one final hearing. According to the notes, they have scheduled this hearing for September 9th!!!!! Only FIVE more wake ups and then, if the Lord wills and the judge grants our petition, we will legally be K, K and R's family! This is music to my ears and balm for my soul! 

So what happens after they are legally ours? As much as we would LOVE to jump on a plane on September 9th, we must wait for 2 more steps. We must wait for the written orders to be delivered to the home (this could take a few weeks), and then we must wait for the girls' passports (this will hopefully take less than 4 weeks but it could easily take longer). As soon as the passports are in their hands we will be able to make our travel arrangements! My best guess is that we will travel in mid November! 

I can't wait to post some good news next week! 

Until next time! -K