A Perfect Love

Valentines Day... probably my least favorite holiday of the year. If you want to see me roll my eyes 150+ times in one day, just come hang out with me on Valentines Day. I’m a Valentine Scrooge you might say. Lance loves it... I mean he loves the fact that I hate it. I will, however, never turn down chocolate even if it comes in a heart shaped container or pink wrapper. Chocolate is the only redeeming value of Valentines Day.

I’ve mentioned before how God has a sense of humor and he knows I like it when he’s funny. Well, last year on Valentines Day God made a funny. Just as I was rolling my eyes for the first time at all the hearts and flowers on my FB wall, I got an email from our adoption agency and upon opening it I was in love at first sight... on Valentines Day. On the day where normally I’m busy internally making fun of all the mushy love stuff, I was a complete puddle of mushy love stuff over the three faces before me. I’m telling you, he’s funny!

This year, while I’m still a Valentines Scrooge (confirmed by my rant to Lance on the phone yesterday about how dumb Valentines school parties are) we will be celebrating February 14th as our “Seen Ya Day!” (kind of like “Gotcha Day!” but not to be confused with the day in New York where high school seniors dress up and get special privileges... I realize those sound exactly the same). So, what better place for us to celebrate our love for our daughters than to attend the Empowered to Connect Conference in Birmingham! To say that I’m excited about this conference is a total understatement! Thursday cannot get here fast enough and I don’t care if roads are bad! We are going! I think this will be an amazing opportunity for Lance and I to further prepare ourselves for our girls to come home and also be alone for a couple of days. I am so stoked to be able to hear Karyn Purvis (the “child whisperer” as I call her) in person and fill up at least one notebook full of Godly wisdom!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Empowered to Connect or the book The Connected Child, this is basically a conference about a particular type of parenting for children from hard places. We call this type of parenting “Trust Based Parenting” and the concept is that your main goal in all interaction with your children is connection, trust building and healing. We have begun learning and implementing these techniques with our boys. It is hard! It’s hard because it brings my selfishness to the surface. It’s hard because it doesn’t come naturally. It’s hard because it requires consistent WORK! 

Karyn Purvis is one of the authors of The Connected Child (The Trauma Mamma Bible). The book itself is not “Christian” but it certainly is based on biblical principles. Because of this, she actually wrote a bible study that coincides with the book called Created to Connect. I’ve gone through this study once earlier in our adoption process with a group of other moms, but I decided to go through it again by myself. I have been so encouraged and convicted by this study.

In yesterday’s devotion, I read about love and fear. 1 John 4: 18-19 says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.” Later in the day, I read a blog from Lifeline about discipline for adopted children and they quoted this verse, too. Coincidence? Nah. I thought this was so very timely. I have had a pretty rough couple of days with the boys, and these words really penetrated my heart. There is no fear in LOVE.

For most of my life, I thought that I had genuine love for God, but what I really had was fear. I was afraid of his punishment for my sin, so I did all the “Christian things” in order to be sure that I was “saved” from that punishment. Despite all my efforts, I had not been perfected in love and I was blind to this fact. But one day, God opened my eyes and I truly saw how much he loved me... how he had loved me all along, forever and always, even when I didn’t love him. I realized that he had relentlessly pursued me with his love and that perfect love cast out fear in my heart. Now THAT is a love story that I can get excited about this Valentines Day! Amen? 

What’s totally awesome about the Christian life is the fact that in every aspect of it we have the opportunity–and responsibility–to reflect the love of the Father. I believe this is especially true in marriage and parenting. When you think about your children and your spouse in the light of the gospel, everything changes. 

I’ve realized that I don’t want my children to obey me and do all the right things out of fear of punishment. I want them to respond out of love for me... love that flows willingly because of my love for them. I want my love for my children to visibly reflect in some small way how God loves me. I want love to cast out fear in my children’s lives. 

I believe in order to love my children in this way, I must truly seek to love them biblically. Love isn’t just a feeling and a smile. Love is the outpouring of yourself in many different ways. Let’s look at what 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says about love:

love is patient

love is kind

love does not envy

love does not boast

love is not arrogant

love is not rude

love does not insist on its own way

love is not irritable

love is not resentful

love does not rejoice at wrongdoing

love rejoices with the truth

love bears all things

love believes all things

love hopes all things

love endures all things

love never ends

This is what perfect love looks like. Think about how this should translate into love for our children and our spouses? 

I admit this is an intimidating list when I lay it next to the list of all my shortcomings. There’s not a single one of these attributes that I could check off as having mastered. However, when I lay this list next to the cross, it matches perfectly. When I focus on God’s perfect love for me and then understand that I have been perfected in his love through the cross, my fear of failure is cast out, because perfect love casts out fear. That's just so  beautifully encouraging to me!

When my children are swinging like Tarzan from the last sliver of patience I have, I can look to the perfect love of God and reflect God's patience back to my boys. When rude and unkind words threaten to burst forth from my mouth, I can look to the perfect love of God and ask him to give me kindness. When I'm irritable and selfish, I can look to the perfect love of God as an example of how to lay down my life for my family. When I'm crumpled up in my bedroom floor crying because I just can't handle it anymore, I can look to the perfect love of God for hope and endurance. 

So, on the February 14th, as we are surrounded by teddy bears and red roses, let’s look to the cross of Christ and remind ourselves of what love really is... perfect love that casts out fear. I challenge you to pray and ask God to show you ways that you can reflect his perfect love to your family. Let me warn you though, if you ask for this, be prepared to be convicted over and over again. 

Happy Valentines Day Seen Ya Day! ~K

Recent Life Via Pics!

We just got back from a week in the North Georgia mountains for Thanksgiving! It was fan-freaking-tastic! Lance said he’s ready to move up there. If only it were that easy.

Here’s how Thanksgiving Day went...

Lance, the boys and I got out and went for a ride a couple of times. Here’s a picture from one of those rides.

We drove to Cleveland, GA and visited an old general store from the 1870s. I loved looking at all the antiques.

We passed by Babyland General Hospital where all the Cabbage Patch Kids are born into the world. I went there when I was a girl. I wanted to go, but Lance refused to take me. He said I had to wait until we had a daughter to go with us. *Sigh*

There are lots of interesting things to see in the North Georgia mountains. Some more interesting than others...

I don't know either.

Luther with his back legs in the seat, his front legs on the floor and
his head on the center console!

Loved this!

Because rednecks need high thread count, too!

This truck said "Army" on the side but I'm pretty
positive it was not a government issued vehicle!

Mom really like the mannequin's hair so she tried it on!

Christmas is almost here y'all! This is the first year in about three years that I’ve been in the Christmas spirit enough to get the tree out and actually decorate it. The last couple of years Lance has put the tree up around mid December because I just wasn’t up to it. Anyways, this year is different and I was ready to have a fully decorated tree. Before we left, I had gotten a new Christmas tree and put it up, but I couldn’t find my ornaments. It turned out that our ornaments were in North Georgia! My mom had taken them up there with a bunch of her stuff. 

So, I got my tree decorated yesterday! Woohoo! I like colored lights and mismatched ornaments because my mom’s trees were always perfect trees with white lights and perfectly matched ornaments. While they were awesome, I secretly always wanted colored lights and different ornaments. Well, I am 30 years old which means I am an adult now, so I can make my tree whatever I want it to be! Here it is! Excuse my messy desk... you know adoption paperwork.

This is an ornament I bought to remind me to pray for Eden whenever I see it. It sticks out like a sore thumb on my tree but that’s ok, one day it will fit right in! :)

We also are doing a Jesse Tree this year with the boys. I did NOT have time to buy or make actual Jesse Tree ornaments so we just do the devotion at night and then hang an ornament on the tree to mark the day. I’m enjoying this time with the boys. I found this nativity set in my ornaments. Not sure where it came from but it's ok with the Jesse Tree. :)

While we were in the mountains, my family surprised me with a month late birthday celebration! They gave me a Keurig! I love it! It totally rocks!

I am really excited about Christmas this year! God has given me so much JOY and I am thankful for every ounce of it! Everyone I know is doing the Elf on the Shelf thing for their kids. We tried that a few years ago but after a few days Brayden decided he did not care for the elf "running around" at night. I found these remains shoved under the tv stand. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry... or take my child to a psychologist. 

Last night Brayden asked if we would get another elf. I laughed and said, "Nope, no more elves for this family!"

Well, that's about it for now. Hope you all are enjoying the holiday season as much as we are!

Until next time! -K

Wrecked

It’s November (just in case you missed that fact the last two weeks) and that means people everywhere are thankful. They are thankful for their family... they are thankful for their friends... they are thankful for their jobs... they are thankful for their churches... they are thankful for their pets... they are thankful for their favorite coffee creamer... they are thankful. It’s good to be thankful! I applaud those who can list their thankfulness on a daily basis for thirty days. I would probably be behind by day four and give up by day seven. 

I do, however, want to share something that I am really, really thankful for this year. I am beyond thankful that I serve a God who loves me enough to wreck me completely. This past year, the Lord has broken me and I don’t believe I will ever be the same person I was before. This is a good thing. This is a God glorifying thing and I am thankful for it!

God has particularly wrecked me over the last couple of weeks. Just as I felt I had made it to the surface and could take in a deep breath of air after weeks of drowning in grief and confusion, God made it very clear that he is not done with me yet. Y’all, God pointed out some really ugly stuff inside me and has been smashing that stuff to bits... and I am so very thankful. I had no idea that I had this ugly pride and selfishness holed up inside me, but God knew, and he loved me enough to not let it stay there. He has to break me so that he can build be back up into something that looks more like Christ. 

When we lost the girls in September, deep down, I knew that God was doing a beautiful thing. I fought it like crazy because it hurt, but I knew that one day I would look back in awe of how perfectly God orchestrated EVERYTHING. After these last two weeks, I am 110% positive that God is indeed doing a beautiful thing. I don’t exactly know what the end result will look like, but I know that it’s probably nothing like what I expected and I’m finally at a place where I’m okay with that. I’ve had to die to so many expectations during this process. Even just yesterday I had to die to another one! I’m telling you, God has just taken a wrecking ball to me.

I realize that I've talked about our adoption a lot in recent posts, but it's important for me to document this journey and the growth it's producing. I want others who might be considering adoption or foster care to know that there is SO much more to orphan care than meets the eye. It's not just about the orphan and it's not just about the parent. It's a whole beautiful tapestry of perfection that God sews stitch by stitch and I want to be sure that I take note of every portion of it.

I read this portion of Spurgeon’s exposition of Psalm 142, and I thought I would share it with you because, well because Spurgeon is awesome, and because I thought it went nicely with what I’m trying to say. 

Is it not a curious thing that whenever God means to make a man great, He always first breaks him in pieces? There was a man whom the Lord meant to make into a prince. How did He do it? Why, He met him one night and wrestled with him! You always hear about Jacob’s wrestling. Well, I dare say he did, but it was not Jacob who was the principal wres- tler—“There wrestled a man with Him until the breaking of the day.” God touched the hollow of Jacob’s thigh and put it out of joint before He called him “Israel,” that is, “a Prince of God.” The wrestling was to take all his strength out of him and when his strength was gone, then God called him a prince. Now, David was to be king over all Israel. What was the way to Jerusalem for David? What was the way to the throne? Well, it was round by the cave of Adullam. He must go there and be an outlaw and an outcast, for that was the way by which he would be made king. Have none of you ever no- ticed, in your own lives, that whenever God is going to give you an enlargement and bring you out to a larger sphere of service, or a higher platform of spiritual life, you always get thrown down? That is His usual way of working! He makes you hungry before He feeds you! He strips you before He robes you! He makes nothing of you before He makes something of you! This was the way with David. He is to be king in Jerusalem, but He must go to the throne by the way of the cave. Now, are any of you here going to Heaven, or going to a more heavenly state of sanctification, or going to a greater sphere of usefulness? Do not wonder if you go by the way of the cave. Why is that?

It is, first, because if God would make you greatly useful, He must teach you how to pray! The man who is a great preacher and yet cannot pray, will come to a bad end. A woman who cannot pray and yet is noted for the conducting of Bible classes, has already come to a bad end. If you can be great without prayer, your greatness will be your ruin! If God means to bless you greatly, He will make you pray greatly, as He does David who says in this part of his preparation for coming to his throne, “I cried unto the Lord with my voice: with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication.”

“David’s Prayer in the Cave” by Charles H. Spurgeon 

I also want to say that I am thankful for those of you who have continued to lift our family up in prayer. I know that your prayers are being heard! If you would like to pray for specific things, you can pray that God would send some information that we have been seeking our way as quickly as possible. You can pray that if and when we do get that information that God would guide us clearly. You can also pray that the Lord would continue to provide for our adoption fees and travel expenses. We probably need to raise another $15,000 and you can view our fundraising page here.  :)

Until next time! -K

Of Hand Hewn Wood

I am alone in a small, dimly lit room with stone walls. I sit with my back against the only door. One locked door. One huge, heavy, depressingly locked door. There are no windows... no glimpses of what lies beyond this room. I only see this place.

Slowly, I twist my body and press my shoulder and face against the smooth, solid door. The massive planks are perfectly hand hewn wood and held together with... well, I don’t know what holds them together, but I know what they hold in. Me. 

I long to run my fingers along the door... understand it... figure it out, but my hands are wrapped across my torso and held there by thick canvas sleeves and leather straps. I know I need this jacket, but I hate it! I pull and tug for a moment. Useless. 

Taking a deep breath, I press my face harder against the door. While I can’t see anything or hear anything, I can feel it. I know deep down that there is something there on the other side. Something good. Something perfect. Yet, I can’t imagine it.

As I lean my back against the door once again, I gaze around the room at the hard, cold stones that hold me in this place. All over the walls there hang parchments of paper. They all say different things. They change constantly. Everyday.

So many of the parchments say lovely things. It is as though they sing to my soul. They make me feel alive in this place. Yet, there are some that bring restlessness. They even seem to be written in my very own handwriting. Sadly, I am often drawn to these. 

I roll onto my knees and stagger as I stand to my feet. One of these parchments has caught my eye. One of those. It’s about 3 inches above my head and it reads, “Flip me over for a chance to move on.” I can’t reach it. I struggle and fight, because... because... 

I stare at the cruel words. I have no idea why I fight. I know it does me no good. It only makes me feel helpless. How can I not try, though? I know there is something beautiful on the other side of that door. I want to move on from this place... this hard place.

My eyes shift to another parchment that reads, “Fear not, for I am with you.” My soul says, "Yes." I relax.  Another one reads, “Wait for Me, be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for Me!” My soul says, "Yes." I wait and I am encouraged. Peace. But then...

Taking a few needy steps to my left, I read another short set of words. “Find the loose stone.” Shallow hope and deep anxiety fill my heart. It’s here! Can I find it? I search intently. I prod at stones with my elbows until my bones and my heart are bruised. Useless.

Now, the tears come like they always do. Why did I let go of the peace? I sink onto the stone floor. My arms and chest fold onto my knees. Sobs wrench my frame. Breaths are harsh and staggered. This is where I end and He begins... again. 

One..... two, three.......... four. I count the tears as they drip off my nose and splat against the cool, grey stone. Light from the bulb above reflects off the small puddle they created, and it reminds me of something... the sun. Yes, the Son... I need His light. I need Him more.

I jerk my head up as I hear the door open. “Hi, Mommy! I got a smiley face today!” “Hey, Mom! Are we going anywhere other than home?” “Hey boys! How was your day? Bray, we are going home and You guys need to do your homework, because we have karate in a couple of hours.” I follow the car ahead of me and pull out of the school parking lot toward our house.

They have no clue. They don’t see the wooden door, the stone walls, the canvas sleeves and leather straps, or the parchments. No one really does. Well, just the one Carpenter who made that perfect, massive door. He knows. He sees.

Day 3: Convictions

Well, today is day 3 of our AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge and me eating gluten free. It’s going well so far. I’ve had some temptations but I have held my ground... a whopping three days. Lance and I started the Can You 24 workout on Saturday and we love it. We both broke a sweat but it wasn’t too hard, so we kind of felt that it was of little consequence. No pain, no gain. Right? Oh. My. Word. We. Were. So. So. Wrong. The day after the first workout we both feel like somebody beat us with a lead pipe. This morning we got up and did the core stretch which felt so darn good. I will start giving more specific updates later on.

Today, I want to post something that is related to our health goals but on a more spiritual level. Let me start this out with a disclaimer: First, I aim this post at Christians. Second, I am not trying to promote legalism with this post. I’m not trying to give you a bunch of “do”s and “don’t”s to condemn you and I am by no means pointing fingers.. well just one and it is pointing at myself. I simply want to raise an issue that I have been convicted about over the last couple of days; one that I think most Christians don’t really even consider. So, please read this with grace in mind. Let’s begin with the Word...

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

These are two verses that I have been meditating on the last couple of days. I know 1 Corinthians 6 is in reference to sexual sin, but the truth remains that if we are Christians, then the Holy Spirit does indeed dwell within us and we should glorify and honor God with our bodies. I’m guessing that most Christians consider their “honoring God with their bodies” complete if the following boxes are checked (these are just off the top of my head)...

•  No excessive drinking
•  No illegal drug use or prescription abuse
•  No tobacco use
•  No fornication
•  No self-mutilation 
•  No inappropriate attire

But one thing I think the vast majority of Christians (at least in American society today) never even think about is their relationship with food and how they maintain their body through exercise (I’m really going to focus on food). 

For most of my life, I have valued food only two ways; how it tastes and satisfies my senses and how it comforts me.  And I don’t believe I’m alone in this. I think most Christians have an unhealthy and unbiblical relationship with food. I believe the lack of awareness and concern about this is mainly due to how grossly food is abused and wasted in our consumeristic culture. Christians, as a whole, have been conformed to this world in this area. Have we not?

Think about food and drink advertisements and all the self-indulgent adjectives that are being used or implied to promote said food and drink. Think about how we flock to that new chain restaurant or downtown cafe and pay money we can’t afford to spend just to get the town’s biggest, greasiest burger or the most authentic Italian pasta (guilty). We often gorge ourselves to the point of discomfort for a few minutes of indulging our senses (guilty). We reward and bribe our children for good behavior with with deserts and candies (guilty). We get upset if all the donuts are gone at church before we get one (guilty). We look forward to holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas because of the vast amounts of delicious foods we will be able to consume (guilty). We use food to cover up stress, depression and anxiety (guilty), and when we do chose to “diet” it’s a result of our desire to better fit society’s definition of attractive (guilty). I could go on and on and on. Food is an idol in our culture.

The statistics of obesity in America say volumes. Almost 36% of Americans are obese... not just a little chunky but obese. This is sad, y’all! What’s even sadder, is the fact that our churches adequately reflect those horrible statistics as well. Look around! Now, please hear my heart on this; I am not making fun of or putting down people who are overweight. I myself have been overweight. Really it’s not the weight or size that I’m concerned about here... it’s the mindset that leads to these results that bothers me and I think it should bother every Christian that desires to honor and glorify God. 

Let’s go to the beginning...

Genesis 1:29 “And God said, ‘Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food”

Genesis 9: “Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you,”

Okay, so God intended for us to eat what he provided. He created us to need nourishment from plants, fruits and animals and I believe he provided them for our pleasure as well. BUT He also (and supremely) created us to worship Him and take pleasure in Him. We abuse and idolize what God provided for our nourishment and enjoyment, therefore we do not glorify Him... we glorify ourselves. We do not rejoice in God’s provision and goodness, we rejoice more in our own satisfaction. We have no control over food but rather it has control over us. When we do attempt to take control over food, we do it in our own strength for our own selfish and vain reasons (this was the source of my own health goals). This is not right. I believe it is sinful and I believe we pay the penalty for this sin in our bodies as we are plagued with chronic illness and pain, cancers, disorders, an diseases (I’m not saying that sickness and disease are sent to punish us when we sin, just that there are consequences to our sinful actions). We were not created for this type of relationship with food. 

So what should our relationship with food (and exercise for that matter) look like? Let’s look back at 1 Corinthians 10:31; “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” No matter what we do in life we should always strive to glorify God, because that is what we were created to do. I believe we should glorify God by viewing food with gratefulness, an attitude of worship and joyfulness. I believe we should also be good stewards of our bodies and not be slave to food, because as Paul also says in 1 Corinthians 6 12-13 “‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything. ‘Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food’ --and God will destroy both one and the other.” 

At every meal we should be reminded of the goodness and the provision of God. He gives us all that we need including food. We should thank him for it not with just a memorized "grace" or "blessing" but with a truly grateful and humble heart. 

We should be amazed by the beauty of God’s creation. It should inspire worship in us that He ordained every detail of every living thing. He created our digestive system, our sense of taste and smell. Think about how perfect it is down to the very last detail? We are fearfully and wonderfully made!

And we should find joy in eating the food he has provided (especially together). Our sense of taste is so amazing and God has created so many unique and complicated things for us to enjoy with this sense of taste. God wants us to enjoy his creation. I believe it pleases Him when we savor a juicy steak or crave a sweet, ripe strawberry, but we must be ever careful to take pleasure in it as the creation of God and give Him the glory. 

Finally, we should use food to nourish and build up our bodies not to defile it and break it down in the name of pleasure and fulfillment. Our bodies are truly not our own; they were bought with a price and they are a temple to the Holy Spirit. Too many of us do not take care of our bodies the way God intended for us to. I don't think I need to go into what that means... I think we all know what it means to eat healthy and take care of our body.

What if we walked into our church sanctuary on Sunday morning and found that a wild rave had taken place there the night before? Maybe the carpets were ruined with stains of food and drink and vomit, the walls were smeared with excrement and painted with graffiti, there were signs of rampant debauchery all over, and the chairs were thrown everywhere amidst piles of garbage. Our place of worship would have been defiled. We would be disgusted that the very place where we usher in the presence of the Lord had been a place of such sinful indulgence the night before. Obviously, being bad stewards of our body is a bit different than a rave in our church, but my point is that our bodies are sacred temples that house the very presence of God, yet we allow our bodies to be defiled by sinful indulgence. Am I making sense?

I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to convict you of ways you may not be honoring God with your body especially in the area of food and exercise. I have been praying that God would give me a holy view of food and exercise to replace my selfish views. I pray that, with His strength, I can take control over this aspect of my life and no longer allow it to control me. I pray for you and if this is an area of need in your life, I pray that God will give you the strength to do the same. 

Well, I guess that’s it. I will give y’all a better update later this week. 

Until next time. -K