Sunday, February 15, 2015

A SLAM PACKED Three Months Home!

February 10th was our 3 month-iversary of our “Gotcha Day”! It seems like it was forever ago, but we’ve only been with our girls for about 90 days! Weird! I'm still kind of in shock that they are actually here... officially part of our family! 



Left pic is in India

Left pic is in India

Left pic is in India

Fun with Taylor and Brayden-ette



Nap time routine


All three girls in my wedding dress! They loved it!



I gotta say this has been a SLAM PACKED three months! I mean you may just break out in a sweat by the time you get done reading all that has gone on since we got home in November!

I’m going to skip the obvious Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff. If you’re disappointed by that, go ahead and take a few minutes to imagine lots of food, lots of gifts and the addition of three little Indians or go read my Reflections post. :)

Candle Light Service on Christmas Eve

Our traditional Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant

Rabina and Aunt Raleigh

Walking at Meeks Park in Blairsville

Basically, as soon as we got home, we started “getting things in order.” This is kind of the sucky part of adoption. After you’ve gone through years of paperwork and jumping through all sorts of hoops, you get to do even MORE of it when your adoption is complete. The good news and the bad news is that you get to do it with a clingy toddler in your lap! I guess they want to be sure you don’t feel under-challenged when you get home.

The first thing we did was start working on new health insurance for our whole family, but most importantly for the children. For the last couple of years, we had a type of co-op coverage that was great for people like us who never go to the doctor. Unfortunately, it covers only emergency type stuff so all your doctor visits have to be paid for out of pocket. Knowing our girls dental bills alone would be tens of thousands of dollars, we decided we needed to get something that covered what we needed. Thank the Lord we found our perfect match! Everything we needed done would be covered and it would save us so much money!

However, the insurance company would NOT add the girls to the application because right now their legal names are basically their first names plus “FNU”. This stands for “Family Name Unknown” or “First Name Unknown”. I guess they didn't want them to be cool like Madonna and just have one name. Side note, it’s kind of hysterical when doctors offices and such try to pronounce FNU as a real last name... “Fuhnoo? Fnoo?” LOL! Anyways, the insurance company was saying we would have to wait until we changed their names before they would cover them. I called BS on that and bugged the snot out these people until finally I got SOMEBODY who understood that they could just change their names later. One thing I’ve learned through adoption is that nobody will fight for your child like you! Sometimes, in the best interest of your child, you have to be persistent beyond what seems reasonable.

Once we got the application for the kids started, we had to wait several weeks for things to be approved. This was really frustrating, because, in the meantime, Khusboo’s teeth began causing her a lot of pain. In December we took her to see a new dentist, Dr. Keller, because she was in so much pain. He took x-rays, looked around and determined that she had a couple of pretty major abscesses. We decided as soon as we got our insurance squared away we would need to put her under general anesthesia to take care of everything at once. She was so nervous in the chair so this was the best option. Seeing Khushboo go through so much pain during these weeks was so very hard. Regular tylenol and motrin wouldn’t touch the pain. I thought I would kill her kidneys because of how much and how often I had to give her meds. She was constantly saying, “Mom, teeth pain!” I really felt like she began getting upset with us for not taking away the pain. I tried so hard to explain why we had to wait and promised that we would get her teeth fixed but it seemed so far away!

On top of the insurance stuff, we began our re-adoption process. Yes, RE-adoption. I know, I know, you thinking, “Are you freaking serious?” My feelings exactly! Basically, while our adoption was final and we are legally their parents, we needed to go through local courts so we could change names and get U.S. birth certificates. This will make life easier for everyone! The downside to re-adopting is that is cost another $2,000 to do. We began this process mid December and are still waiting for it to be completed in the courts.

In January we got to celebrate Khushboo and Kashila’s birthdays for the very first time WITH them! We had planned to do one small birthday party for both of them, but after they told us that the orphanage would celebrate Kashila’s birthday but not Khushboo’s we felt like we really needed to celebrate each girl separately. We told them we would take them for a special birthday dinner wherever they wanted to go. Kashila wanted rice and soup so we picked Chef Lee’s and Khushboo wanted pancakes so we went to IHOP! It was so amazing to finally be with them for their birthdays. They loved the attention! 











Also in January we began homeschooling again. This has certainly been challenging with a three year old and Asher! I’m not sure which is more challenging. It’s been hard trying to figure out what the girls know and what they don’t. They seem delayed in some areas and advanced in other areas. They are usually eager to study, but I think we need to create a more rigid schedule for them. We have been considering putting the older four into public school for the rest of the year just so I can have a bit of a break, but I just haven’t had a peace about that. I really love home schooling when things go smoothly. I think we just need to find our groove.

We had the girls dedicated at church in January. What a special day that was to stand before the body of believers who have prayed for us and supported us and who were now covenanting with us to help us shepherd our new daughters hearts as they grow into young women who we pray will learn to fear and love the Lord at a very early age. It would have been completely perfect had Rabina not been trying to reach down my shirt and meow like a cat in front of the entire church. Yes, toddlers are so fun. Sadly I have no pictures of this yet.

We went to the social security office to try to get social security numbers for the girls so we can file our taxes. If you’ve ever been to the SS office or any other government facility then that sentence is all you need to read to know how that day went.

Mid January, we got all of our insurance squared away! We went back to the dentist for Kashila and Rabina. While Kashila hasn’t been in pain like Khushboo, her teeth were still pretty bad so we decided to put her under general anesthesia as well to get it all done at once. We scheduled their procedures for February 6th. Rabina’s teeth were perfect! Praise the Lord!

Since we finally had medical coverage, we also scheduled doctors visits for the girls. They had their eyes checked, their ears checked, and all the regular stuff. After discussing their health history, the doctor ordered battery of blood work, lead screenings, TB tests, and stool samples. 

We got the tests and blood work completed a couple of weeks ago. This was an excruciatingly long day. We were told the girls couldn’t eat before their appointment and Rabina was NOT happy about that at all. Cramming a mom and five bored kids into a tiny exam room is a recipe for disaster. I don’t want to do that again for a really long time! The girls did really well with all the sticks! They were so brave! We left tired, grumpy, and hungry with stool sample kits in hand. Hey, at least we had something to look forward to. 

Asher took this during our super long doctors visit

The same day we went to the doctor, the Monday night before the girl’s dental procedures, Khushboo took a turn for the worst with her teeth pain. She came in our room late that night crying about how bad she was hurting. They had given her some stronger pain meds but it wasn’t touching the pain at all. She began running a fever the following day and her face swelled up horribly. She stayed in bed all day that day. Thankfully we were able to get her in to see the dentist and he gave her a hardcore antibiotic and a much stronger pain med. We thought we might have to take her to the ER that night because she was complaining about her throat hurting and not being able to breathe well. We thought the swelling might be spreading down her throat. We waited a bit and finally she went back to sleep. The meds really helped! The fever was gone and swelling went down.

Khushboo's swollen face

On Wednesday, we had to take the girls back to doctor to get their TB test spots read. This should have been a very quick and easy ordeal, but both Khushboo and Kashila had positive test readings. I was super depressed about this because I felt like the medical stuff would never end! They told us we would need to go to the hospital for more blood work for the Ks and chest x-rays for all three girls!

Also on Wednesday, we had dental cleanings for Brayden and Asher to get them established with our new dentist (LOVE Dr Keller btw). Yes, I’m a glutton for punishment. We almost didn’t make it to the appointment because the fuss that was made over the TB reads. Thankfully my mom came to help me watch the girls in the waiting room while I went back with the boys.

Last Friday was TEETH DAY! After weeks and weeks of waiting, we were getting those chompers FIXED! The girls were just so amazing! They skipped into the hospital and didn’t act nervous at all. The procedures went really well. Both girls had multiple extractions. Khushboo needed a bit more extensive work and she woke up in a good amount of pain. By the time Khushboo had come into recovery, Kashila was already sitting in Lance’s lap playing on the ipad as if nothing had ever happened. We went home around 3:00 in the afternoon. Poor Khushboo was pitiful. She threw up several times from the anesthesia. I had to give her some anti-nausea meds to help her. 






By Saturday the girls were feeling much better! Khushboo was saying her pain level was lower than it was before the procedure! Those were awesome words to hear! By Sunday they were just about normal! We are all so thankful that our dental woes are behind us! Khushboo is like a totally different child! She talks and smiles much more now! I'm loving seeing her blossom now that she is pain free.

This Tuesday, we went to the hospital for the girls additional TB tests. Our precious friend Allison kept the boys all morning for us! Once again the girls were total champs with the blood work and x-rays! No tears at all! Rabina had to be held in place for her x-rays and the moment she was released ran into some office up the hall while I was checking on the Ks. She is a fast little booger! The staff was great and gave them big teddy bears and snacks! We still haven't gotten the results from any of this. I'm kind of assuming, since TB is pretty serious, no news is good news.

Are you sweating yet? HAHA! I'll stop here so you can go rest. :)

Speaking of rest, I will be getting a 3 day break the first weekend in March because I will be going to Created 4 Care. It's an adoption/foster care conference for moms! This will be my first time, but I've heard so many people rave about it! I'll be rooming with a couple of fellow India moms. I think we are all really looking forward to the time away to refresh. I'll probably post a blog about it once I get home. 

Until next time! -K

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Happy Valentines Day!

Words fail where tears don't. My heart is full this Valentines Day because three of the people I love most in this world are no longer just in my heart but in my arms!


Monday, February 9, 2015

Lions and toddlers and bears! Oh My!

After being with our girls for three months, I have a suggestion to ALL the adoption experts out there who write books, put together seminars, create videos and write articles....

You NEED to dedicate and entire chapter, session, video or whatever to the subject of "how to deal with adopted toddlers" and maybe even one for "the survival techniques for living with FEMALE adopted toddlers". Despite all the training we went through to prepare ourselves for parenting our adopted kids I feel like I was least prepared for the little diva dictator who ran into my arms on November 10th (aka Rabina). I thought she would be the easy one. *Maniacal laughing and knee slapping*


I remember seeing this picture for the first time and saying "If she will never stop kissing me with those sweet little lips she can have all the chocolate her heart desires." Ok well, that was a load of crap. She most certainly cannot have all the chocolate her heart desires, because her heart desires chocolate about 90% of the time. And while I do LOVE her kisses, I've realized she uses those sweet little lips to manipulate (God help us when she becomes a teen). In fact, just as I was typing this blog, I had to tell her to stop trying to open her sisters' body wash. She climbed into my lab while I was telling her this and kept interrupting me with kisses so that I would stop telling her what she didn't want to hear. Seriously, she is so not like that shy, baby-ish, little girl I made up in my head.

Admittedly, I remember 3 being not so fun with Brayden and Asher. I'm no stranger to the terrible twos or the tyrannical threes, but apparently when you throw ovaries and adoption into the mix it's a completely different ballgame ballet. I mean what the heck? So all you people who said "Oh wow! You will have your hands full!"... you weren't even talking about the fact that we would have five kids! You were solely talking about the fact that we would have a female toddler! It's called clarification, people! CLARIFICATION!

I had an epiphany a couple of weeks ago as I chatted with a fellow adoptive mom who is also learning that she is living under the dictatorship of a threenager (I was informed this was the proper term after my last blog post). Parenting an adopted toddler is harder than parenting a biological toddler for many reasons, but I believe this is the key reason: You didn't ease into toddler life. 

When you have a biological child, you watch that precious baby grow and go through  all the stages. You go through the sleepless nights, the transition to being mobile, the teething, the separation anxiety, and eventually after a couple of years you ease into toddler life. Toddlers are loud, they are bossy, they are opinionated, they are demanding, they are fast, they are devious, they are hilarious, they are cute and they are so many other things. But no matter what challenges you face with your biological toddler, you have the previous years as a foundation. You've nurtured them, rocked them, spoiled them, met every need and built a trusting and loving relationship. So, when they turn into a toddler you can deal with it fairly well.

With an adopted toddler, you have none of that. You haven't watched them blossom and grow from a itty bitty little baby. Nope, one day you don't have a toddler and the next day you absolutely, undeniably have a toddler – a toddler who has learned that screaming, hitting and spitting are adequate ways to get needs met, a toddler who has been basically dropped into a family where there are rules to break and boundaries to push and oh so many ways to get attention (bad and good). And you? You're completely blindsided (no matter how prepared you thought you were) and instantly plunged into life with a toddler you've had no relationship with. That makes things a lot harder.

In all honesty, I find myself really struggling with Rabina. It's hard. I want so bad for things to be like the fantasy in my head, where we are perfectly bonded and best buds (you know because she's the easy one) but they aren't. This cute little girl has flipped my life upside down and as much as I love her, sometimes I'm not as loving as I would like to be and know I should be. Sometimes the tantrums get to me. Sometimes the constant demands make me want to scream. Sometimes the blatant disobedience is enraging. Sometimes the manipulation is annoying. And sometimes the guilt and self-loathing I feel is ALL I feel. I constantly find myself begging God to give me grace and patience because my sinful flesh tends to rear it's ugly head all too often. 

The weirdest part is that I see myself in her. I am constantly convicted of my own disobedience, stubbornness, need for control, and selfishness. Then I'm further convicted when I consider how God, my Father, deals with me. He's slow to anger and abounding in love. He is merciful and doesn't repay me according to my transgressions. I mean seriously this brings me to tears, because I realize how lacking I am. I am convinced that God calls people to adopt so that He can refine them and sanctify them. I'm grateful for this even though it's hard.

Yes, life with toddlers is hard and life with adopted toddlers is even harder. However, I truly AM thankful for this little monster. While she has brought a lot of challenges to our life, she has also brought so much joy. She's so hilarious. She's loving and affectionate. She makes the absolute best facial expressions. She likes to snuggle. She makes everyone smile. She sleeps through the night. She sings. She pretends she's a cat. She's so gosh darn cute... her in pig-tales.... oh man! Yes, I know one day I will miss her being this little. Life is short and she'll only be my little diva dictator for a little while.

I'll leave you with some of the good stuff. :)


 




Until next time! -K