Confessions

We aren’t going to church this beautiful Sunday morning (I’ll explain), so I felt the intense urge to embrace the Catholic ritual of confession. Instead of a dimly lit, private confessional, I’m using the internet. That’s just as private, right? 

Here’s my confession: I am a terrible, awful, down right rotten mommy-nurse! 

Seriously, y’all, it’s bad! If by some crazy spoof I was in the running for “Mother of the Year” award, I’m officially disqualified now that the stomach bug has found our little house. Let me paint you a picture...

Thursday night, we all went to bed happy and healthy. I was looking forward to not having to run out the door to take Asher to school and actually being able to get some stuff done around the house.

Friday morning I am awakened by the sweet sound of, “Mommy! MOMMY! My belly hurts!”  I drag myself out of bed and fuss for Asher to go to the bathroom and go back to bed. He obeys and then, of course, starts throwing up IN his bed. Vomit and bedding... my favorite combination!

I’m usually not a squeamish person, BUT I. do. not. do. vomit. well. Guess who is the only person in our house capable of cleaning up vomit. Yep, you nailed it, ME! You so smart!

When there is vomit involved, I am not nice. For some reason, it’s like I’m personally offended by the vomit. I know they don’t do it on purpose and in fact cannot help it at all, but try to tell my stomach that! And I know I should be sympathetic and sweet, but y’all... it’s vomit. Immediately, my face goes into involuntary “this is totally disgusting” mode, I’m holding back my own vomit and “Ughhhhh... bleh... Ewwww!” is slipping out between held breaths. Clean up cannot go fast enough and people cannot get far enough out of the way. If it's covered in vomit, washable and cost less than $15 it's probably going in the trash. 

Once I do get it cleaned up, I know I should go snuggle in close to my sick child and kiss their sweaty head while they continue to deposit last night’s partially digested dinner into the toilet, but my senses are being assaulted and apparently my senses are cowards. The most I can muster is a back rub with an outstretched arm. My affectionate word choices include, “Are you done, baby?” and “Do you feel better now?” Internally, these are pleading prayers for a end to the nastiness. 

After the first episode of upchuck, I am anxiously awaiting the next, because it’s rarely just one... that would be too easy. I watch the culprit patient very carefully for any sign of impending sickness. If they open their mouth for more than 2 seconds I am sprinting across the room with a bowl and frantically asking, “Do you feel like you’re going to be sick again?” Avoiding vomit clean up at all costs is vital!

So, Asher had the bug all day Friday. He got very efficient at using the provided bowl. I love my Pampered Chef mixing bowls by the way... maybe this one a tad bit less now though. For the record I did not make him sleep on the floor. That was his choice. 

Last night and today was Brayden’s time to shine. Lance went to a friends house last night for some bearded buddy time, so I took the boys to Burger King for an ice cream cone, because they are good and they are 69 cents. 

Immediately upon finishing his ice cream, like not even 30 seconds after his last bite, Brayden said his belly hurt. We have a bit of a “boy who cried wolf” situation with Brayden and belly aches. He usually gets them when we are asking him to finish his meal and they magically go away when people mention dessert. So my oh so sympathetic reply was, “Reeeeally?!?!” He said it really hurt so we headed home. I put the boys in bed and Brayden started screaming that his belly hurt bad. 

Now, you have to understand something else about Brayden. He acts like you are ripping his fingernails off when you try to cut them and if he falls and scrapes his knee you would think he was in need of a knee replacement. If “dramatic” started with an “e” it would have been his middle name (all the men in Lance’s family have “e” middle names). I’m not sure what we did as parents to encourage this behavior, but whatever it is, DON’T DO IT!

Rational conversation is completely pointless when he is like this. I ask him, “How bad does your belly hurt?” and he replies, “I CAN’T SAY HOW BAD IT HURTS. ONLY ME KNOWS BECAUSE IT’S MY BELLY.” Alrighty then! That was helpful. I ask, “Do I need to take you to see a doctor, baby?” and he says, “NO!! I AM NOT GOING TO THE DOCTOR... Will they give me a shot? AHHHHHHHHHH!! I WANT DADDY! PLEASE CALL DADDY!” No problem! Gladly! This screaming went off and on for about an hour. Somewhere around 9:30pm Brayden went to the bathroom, and let’s just say we finally understood why his belly hurt so bad. I knew what was probably coming next... it showed up around 3:00am. Vomit. Then again around 7:00am and this time it was all in the bed. Perfect! Two for Two!

After repeating the clean up scenario from Friday with a few more gags and ill tempered word blurts, I announced that we were out of Ginger Ale and sacrificially volunteered to get dressed and go to the store. I mean somebody has to do the hard stuff right? 

Brayden has had it a bit worse than Asher, but he’s actually handled it like a champ. He hasn’t complained too much about throwing up. He did, however, scream like a banshee when his brother dropped a book on his forehead shortly after this picture was taken...

So that’s my confession. I do not have the “good nurse-mommy gene” and I’m not quite sure how to acquire it. For the record I also lack the “good nurse-wife gene” either, so this nasty little bug better be done with this house. Just Sayin!

Until next time! -K 

Take THAT @LL!!

Happy Wednesday Y'all! Let's call today Wash Wednesday, because today I am going to share with you how to wash your clothes for $0.01 a load!! Yep, you read right! It's the only thing that brings a smile to my face as tackle these:

x 3

Notice how well I do at sorting like colors. And yes, those are IKEA bags! They make awesome laundry bags and they also allow me to dream of filling them with all kinds of inexpensive IKEA goodness while I actually fill them with stained shirts, ripped jeans, mismatched socks and little boy underwear (with skid marks).

Like my toenail polish? It's called Coral Stone.

About a year ago, I heard some of my super-mom friends talking about making their own laundry detergent. I thought, "Pshhhh, woman please! Just go pick yourself up some good stuff at the store and stop being Laura Ingalls!" For the record, I used to mock coupon queens the same way... and Little House on the Prairie used to be one of my favorite shows. Well friends, I have seen the light. I now make my own laundry detergent and (when I'm good) I coupon. While I'm at it, I will tell you I also make my own candles and my own soap. What's my motivation? First, price. I can't stand paying 10+ times more for something I could make myself. Second, enjoyment. I actually enjoy making these things. It gives me a sense of accomplishment! 

So let's get started so you can be well on your way to never ever buying a $12 container of laundry detergent again!

Here's what you need to pick up at the store or find in your cabinets:

Washing Soda

As you can see, I bought the Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda. This can be found in the laundry aisle (I found mine at Wal-Mart, home of the devil). WASHING Soda folks! Not BAKING Soda! Washing Soda helps to remove dirt and odor from your clothes.

Borax Powder

I'm pretty sure this 20 Mule Team is the only brand of Borax you will find (Once I again, I found mine in the laundry aisle of Hades, aka Wal-Mart). This helps keep whites white and it also helps to make those little boy undies smell clean. Apparently you can use it for other stuff, too.

Fels-Naptha Soap

I guess this is basically old fashioned Shout. It's a hard bar of laundry soap that smells fresh and clean but a bit odd. You should be able to find this around the above items. Fels-Naptha also helps in the cleaning and stain removal process.

Irish Spring Soap (or whatever you prefer)

I've always liked the smell of Irish Spring, so I went with it. You can use Ivory or any of the other simple soaps. Of course this will be in the soap and body wash aisle. Don't forget to pick up deodorant while you're in that section, because I haven't figured out how to make that yet. :)

1 Gallon Container X2

I used Gatorade and a Hawaiian Punch containers. They are each a gallon and are reusable... and they cost me no extra money... and they would have just been thrown away. Hey, look at me saving the environment!! I think it's pretty obvious that you will use these to put your laundry detergent into.

That's it for stuff you need (other than water, a medium sauce pan and a stove/hotplate)! Now lets get down to business and start the process. Depending on how you grate your soap and how fast your stove heats up water, the entire process should take about 30-45 minutes. Trust me, the time is worth the savings!

Here are the amounts you will use of each of the above ingredients:

• 1/2 cup Washing Soda
• 1/2 cup Borax
• 1/4 bar Fels-Naptha Soap
• 1/2 bar Irish Spring Soap

Step #1

Grate 1/4 bar of Fels Naptha and 1/2 bar of Irish Spring into a medium sauce pan. The best way to do this is with a regular cheese grater or one that has a wheel that you turn. I couldn't find my grater (must be boxed away from our recent move), so I used a knife to slice off bits and pieces. I don't recommend doing it that way unless you have to. 

Step #2

Add 6 cups of water to the grated soap.

Heat on medium to high until the grated soap is completely melted. Try not to let it boil.

Step #3
Once the soap is melted, stir in 1/2 cup of Washing Soda and 1/2 cup of Borax. Keep the pan on the stove and stir until all powder is dissolved. This should thicken your mixture a good bit.


Step #4
Put 2 cups of hot water into each of your 1 gallon containers. Take your soap mixture off the stove. Slowly pour half into each container.


Step #5

Fill up the rest of the container with cool water. Replace cap and gently mix the gallons by turning them upside down a couple of times. Let the mixture sit for about 24 hours. Use 1/2 cup per load.


Your detergent should look like lime sherbet punch gone wrong. :)


















That's it!!! You're done!!! Now pat yourself on the back and go fetch the washboard. Kidding!

Just a heads up, your homemade laundry detergent will not be the same consistency as store-bought detergent, nor will it produce as many suds... that's perfectly okay. Your detergent might be kind of a thin gel and it might have some gel clumps, but rest assured it will clean your clothes just fine. Another thing you will notice is that your clothes will be pretty neutral smelling when they come out. If you would like your clothes to be more scented, then you will want to add some natural essential oils. You can find these online at various places or possibly in some local health food stores. I would probably go with Lavender. I've washed with this mixture for a while now, and I honestly can't tell a difference from the expensive stuff other than the smell.

Let's Do the Math
If you're like me, when I told you that I would show you how to wash your clothes for $0.01 a load you raised one eyebrow and said, "Yeah, right!" Well here's the math...

Using 1/2 cup per load, you will be able to get 64 loads out of this 2 gallon batch. 


The Washing Soda was $2.23 for 55oz. So, $2.23 divided by 55 = $0.04. I weighed 1/2 cup of Washing Soda and it was around 4.2oz. 4.2oz multiplied by $0.04 = $0.17.


The Borax was $3.27 for 76oz. $3.27 divided by 76 = $0.04. 1/2 cup of Borax weighs about 3.5oz. 3.4oz multiplied by $0.04 = $0.14


Fels-Naptha runs about $1.12 per bar. You use 1/4 bar, so $1.12 divided by 4 = $0.28


An 8 pack of Irish Spring was $4.27 making each bar $0.53. You will use 1/2 bar so $0.53 divided by 2 = $0.26


$0.17 + $0.14 + $0.28 + $0.26 = $0.85


$0.85 / 64 loads = $0.0132 or ONE CENT per load!!


You're welcome!

Whew! All that math wore me out! I sure hope this is useful for somebody! Now you too can smile while you dig the lent out of the trap because you know that lent cost you a heck of a lot less money!

Until next time! -K