Twenty-Seven Months Pregnant

This "paper pregnancy" (aka adoption) began in June 2012... 27 long months ago. We shared our exciting news  in September 2012. We found out we were "pregnant" with triplets of different ages on Valentines Day 2013. We were told we had a "miscarriage" in September 2013. We surprisingly discovered we were still "pregnant" with triplets in January 2014. Here we are in September 2014 and we are still "pregnant"!! Ready to POP pregnant!!

"Now Kristian," you say, "pregnancy is so different from adopting. They are two totally different experiences" 

NO, NO, NO!! You, my friend, are totally and absolutely wrong! Adoption is so very much like pregnancy in oh so many ways! I have been physically pregnant twice so I know! Ladies who are adopting or have adopted and have never been physically pregnant, you have totally experience pregnancy and then some! Don't ever feel like you missed out! I promise pregnancy and adoption are basically the same thing if you take out the 1,805,336 emails, 12 reams of paper, Braxton Hicks contractions and an episiotomy. Please note some of the "symptoms"...

1. You get fat. Everyone says you look great but you know you're fat. "It's just baby weight," you try to tell yourself as you rub your baby bump.
2. You're fat because you can't stop shoving donuts and ice cream and more donuts into your face. Gotta fatten those babies up right?  
3. You crave odd stuff like the little crunchy fried bits that come in the bottom of your Captain D's fish basket (don't judge me) and gigantic cups of ice cold milk. <---- also why you're fat.
4. You're husband and family think you are a certified nut job. (See numbers 5 and 6 and 7)
5. You are moo-dy. PMS ain't got nothing on a paper pregnant momma. The bad thing with paper pregnancy is there might still be PMS too! So fun!
6. You cry about everything. You cry when you're happy and you cry when you're sad and you cry when you're mad. 
7. You can't... you can't... oh what was number 7? I had it a minute ago. Oh yeah! You can't remember JACK! Like not a dang thing! Adoption pregnancy brain is real, people!
8. You can't sleep. 
9. You have weird dreams.
10. You get heartburn! <---- because you're fat.
11. You're back hurts and your feet swell! <---- probably because you're fat.
12. You have to pee all the time. Maybe it's just me getting old.
13. You spend hours on the internet researching paper pregnancy and what to expect.
14. You read books with charts and diagrams, symptoms and solutions.
15. People ask you when your "due date" is but you haven't got one.
16. You start nesting.
17. You have lots of false labor and it sucks when they "send you back home"!
18. You think of something else you need for your children just about every day. Pullups, hairbows, socks, sippy cups, car seats, etc.
19. You enjoy complaining chatting with other paper pregnant women. You keep up with everyones progress! 
20. You get the pleasure of picking names!
21. You are tired all the time. Naps are your best friend.
22. You can't wait to pack your bag but you really don't know what to pack and you're sure you won't really know until you're there and don't have it or don't use it.
23. You wonder if your babies will be hard or easy.
24. You try to imagine what life will be like but you just can't. Although you know that once they are in your arms you won't be able to imagine what life would be like without them.
25. You long for the day that you won't be pregnant anymore!

So yeah... I'm totally twenty-seven months pregnant! Come on labor!

Until next time! -K

An Open Letter To Whom It Concerns

 Dear person who came up with the idea of the “romantic” breakfast in bed, please do us all a favor, and inform everyone that you are in fact a caregiver at a nursing home and that there is actually no romance involved with eating meals in bed. Please save some husbands and children some effort by explaining that unless you are bed ridden, meals, including ones on Valentines day and Mothers Day, should be eaten in the proper place, aka the table. I feel that I am not alone in my hatred of dirt, crumbs, liquids, and bugs in my bed. I believe your silence has led to thousands of like-minded women suffering through burnt toast in bed and cursing every crumb that falls while trying not to spill scalding coffee with not enough sugar all over our clean sheets that were just put on the day before. There are plenty of romantic things to do in bed, but breakfast is just not one of them. Please, for the love of a good night’s sleep without waking up with scrambled egg stuck to our back, tell the world who you really are and who really needs to eat breakfast in bed. 

Dear person who invented Double Stuffed Oreos, I hate you. We are not friends. That is all.

Dear bowling alley owner, my family came to your place of business a few weeks ago. We were the family with two young boys who were itching for something fun to do and two parents who would rather throw our backs out playing a lame game of bowling than go to Monkey Joe’s or Chuck E Cheese’s. You don’t remember us? Oh, well that’s probably because we left immediately upon finding out that it would cost our family over $64 to bowl for two hours. I’m sorry but WHAT THE WHAT? The game is not THAT fun, and please don’t forget that you have to wear nasty-a shoes the whole time! Oh and you also have to deal with all the drunk people who were CLEARLY drunk before they came to your establishment because they willingly forked out all of that $$ on bowling... b-o-w-l-i-n-g! Yeah, the Ogdens will stick to bowling on the Wii. :) I'm sure you will do just find without our business.

Dear people who went to said bowling establishment and thought that $16 per person (adult or child) was an acceptable charge, what is wrong with you? Also, where do you work and do they have any openings? I’m talking to a lot of people here, because there was a freaking wait-ing list for a lane! There are 56 lanes! Please help me understand why our country is in a recession, people are complaining left and right about being broke and jobless and yet you people are WAIT-ING to pay gobs of money for this game. I. Do. Not. Understand. You.

Dear company who makes leather cleaner, you disappoint me. Let me explain. Weeks ago, my son drew a picture. While I normally appreciate my children’s creativity, I was not very fond of this piece of artwork, because the canvas was the seat of my favorite, cream colored, comfy, leather arm chair and the medium of choice was a blue ball point pen. After shamefully flipping my lid upon discovery of this new piece of art, I went to work on getting rid of it. I looked to your company’s product to make it all better. I slathered and scrubbed and yet your product failed me. I even went for the last resort of alcohol. No, no, not to drink... although that may have helped in other ways. I applied alcohol to the leather. That did get rid of some of the ink but it also bleached the color of my leather. I gave up and resigned to the fact that we just can’t have anything nice. Here is what I was left with...

Now that many weeks have passed, I believe I have found a better “art removing” solution, and I would like to help your company (even though you did not help me) by passing on this bit of advice free of charge. Please note this picture from today...

I’m sure you must be astonished by the stark contrast from the photo above and are wondering how in the world I managed such a remarkable improvement. Here’s the answer: My butt. Yes, you read that correctly. I sit in this chair daily to do my devotional and apparently all my leather needed was a good booty rub for 20-30 minutes a day. Feel free to add this cleaning tip to all your leather cleaning products. Your welcome.

Dear teacher who assigned my 7 year old child a report, I understand that you are working very hard to develop my child’s research, writing and public speaking skills. Thank you for your dedication to my child’s educational development. However, I have two complaints. 

Firstly, you MUST have purposely picked my busiest week ever to assign this report. Therefore I can only assume that you hated the handmade soaps I gave you for Christmas. Noted.

Secondly, I’m not sure you thought things through very well. You wanted my child to write a report on a historical African American figure of our choice that includes the following information: “Tell when and where the person was born, died, any interesting facts about his/her life, and tell what accomplishments and why this person is important to the history of our country. Describe some of his/her most important historical contributions. You may discuss interesting facts that you learned about this famous African American.” You wanted us to include a rough draft. Was this last paragraph your example of what a rough draft looks like, because it was not clearly marked as an example, but surely this is not your best work. Also, you wanted my child to include all this information but you expected “the final paper [to] be written on the attached paper” which consisted of about 10 primary writing lines. Let’s be honest... you knew that wouldn’t work. Thank you for helping me work on my fine motor skills as I was forced to draw out four more pages of primary writing lines.

I give you a C- for this assignment and will be sure you don’t ever get anymore of my yummy olive oil soaps. 

Dear people who read my blog, I still think you are at least somewhat mentally unstable for doing so, but I really, really appreciate that you took the time to read my open letter. Now, please also take the time and view our Both Hands project page!

http://www.bothhandsfoundation.org/lance-and-kristian-ogden

Sincerely, 

Mrs. Ogden

Recent Life Via Pics!

We just got back from a week in the North Georgia mountains for Thanksgiving! It was fan-freaking-tastic! Lance said he’s ready to move up there. If only it were that easy.

Here’s how Thanksgiving Day went...

Lance, the boys and I got out and went for a ride a couple of times. Here’s a picture from one of those rides.

We drove to Cleveland, GA and visited an old general store from the 1870s. I loved looking at all the antiques.

We passed by Babyland General Hospital where all the Cabbage Patch Kids are born into the world. I went there when I was a girl. I wanted to go, but Lance refused to take me. He said I had to wait until we had a daughter to go with us. *Sigh*

There are lots of interesting things to see in the North Georgia mountains. Some more interesting than others...

I don't know either.

Luther with his back legs in the seat, his front legs on the floor and
his head on the center console!

Loved this!

Because rednecks need high thread count, too!

This truck said "Army" on the side but I'm pretty
positive it was not a government issued vehicle!

Mom really like the mannequin's hair so she tried it on!

Christmas is almost here y'all! This is the first year in about three years that I’ve been in the Christmas spirit enough to get the tree out and actually decorate it. The last couple of years Lance has put the tree up around mid December because I just wasn’t up to it. Anyways, this year is different and I was ready to have a fully decorated tree. Before we left, I had gotten a new Christmas tree and put it up, but I couldn’t find my ornaments. It turned out that our ornaments were in North Georgia! My mom had taken them up there with a bunch of her stuff. 

So, I got my tree decorated yesterday! Woohoo! I like colored lights and mismatched ornaments because my mom’s trees were always perfect trees with white lights and perfectly matched ornaments. While they were awesome, I secretly always wanted colored lights and different ornaments. Well, I am 30 years old which means I am an adult now, so I can make my tree whatever I want it to be! Here it is! Excuse my messy desk... you know adoption paperwork.

This is an ornament I bought to remind me to pray for Eden whenever I see it. It sticks out like a sore thumb on my tree but that’s ok, one day it will fit right in! :)

We also are doing a Jesse Tree this year with the boys. I did NOT have time to buy or make actual Jesse Tree ornaments so we just do the devotion at night and then hang an ornament on the tree to mark the day. I’m enjoying this time with the boys. I found this nativity set in my ornaments. Not sure where it came from but it's ok with the Jesse Tree. :)

While we were in the mountains, my family surprised me with a month late birthday celebration! They gave me a Keurig! I love it! It totally rocks!

I am really excited about Christmas this year! God has given me so much JOY and I am thankful for every ounce of it! Everyone I know is doing the Elf on the Shelf thing for their kids. We tried that a few years ago but after a few days Brayden decided he did not care for the elf "running around" at night. I found these remains shoved under the tv stand. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry... or take my child to a psychologist. 

Last night Brayden asked if we would get another elf. I laughed and said, "Nope, no more elves for this family!"

Well, that's about it for now. Hope you all are enjoying the holiday season as much as we are!

Until next time! -K

I'm Just Difficult, Low Maintenance

Since I failed to discuss my 9th anniversary of being Mrs. Lance Ogden on our actual anniversary (Oct 2nd), I decided that I would recount our celebration today.... 16 days late. 

Let me start out with a disclaimer: Lance and I are not the type of people who make a big fuss about birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. I did not marry Noah Calhoun, and Lance did not marry... I can’t think of any super romantic female characters. Whatever. You get the point. On with the story...

A few years ago, Lance and I went on our first trip alone since having kids for our 6th anniversary. We just went to the mountains, but it was awesome. We promised that every year for our anniversary we would take a trip just the two of us. 

The next year, we went to Seattle which was super duper amazing. We had to go all out to make sure we crushed any “7 Year Itch”, right?

Last year, as you may recall, we went all the way to the top of a parking garage and watched the sunset. Yeah, that’s it. No trip. Promise broken.

I knew this year wouldn’t be far off from last year. I would have LOVED to have taken a trip but who was I kidding? We are in the middle of an adoption that could cost upward of  $50,000... Ain’t nobody got dough for that. At least none that we could justify spending on a romantic getaway. I figured dinner would do.

Of course, like a moron, I decided my anniversary was the best day to tell the world about our situation with the girls. Dumb, dumb, and more dumb! It definitely did not set the mood for a joyful, anniversary celebration. I spent the first half of the day crying, and when I finally got myself together enough to start planning our evening, it was too late to find anyone to watch the boys. While not ideal, I shrugged off the disappointment and decided they could join us. Whatever man.

When I did finally decide that a dinner out was in our future, I started craving Indian food. We love Indian food. Lance always says “yes” to Indian food... except on October 2, 2013. On this day, Lance was not feeling up to Indian food. *Sigh* Ok, that sucks. See, the problem with craving Indian food is that there is really nothing comparable. It’s not like you can go get Italian or Mexican and be good. No, Indian food is unique, so when Lance said, “No Indian food tonight. Where else do you want to go?” I had absolutely nothing. It all sounded like tasteless slop to me. He suggested Jimmy John’s and I said “Sure, let’s go to Jimmy John’s.” What I wanted to say was, “Why on earth would I want to go to Jimmy Johns? That is like the polar opposite of Indian food!”

Now, let me be clear. When I said earlier that I don’t make a big fuss about stuff like anniversaries and birthdays, that was not to imply that I don’t fuss about stuff. I’m not high maintenance, I’m just difficult, low maintenance... meaning I’m pretty easy to keep happy but when there is a break down in my happy you might as well just throw in the towel and start over tomorrow. Does that make sense? 

So, we went to Jimmy John’s. It was a decent sandwich that did nothing for my Indian craving.  Remember the kids were with us? Yeah, so Asher spilled his regular sized drink (because Jimmy John’s does not believe in kids meals or kids drinks) all over the floor. Like all of it. The only redemption was that none of it was on me. How did that happen? We moved to another table and ate our amazing...ly un-Indian food. Twenty minutes later we were done. So romantic. I think Lance and I even got to say a few words to each other.

As we walked out the door I glanced up and saw a beautiful thing... something that could make all things right in the world... the Dunkin Donuts sign up the road. Yes. Amen. I turned to Lance and said, “Umm... are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I waited for the joke but instead he said, “Uh, was there any question about that?” and instantly I knew that we were truly soul mates–this man gets me on a deeper level than any other human. Soon, I would be holding a Vanilla Creme donut in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other hand, and by golly I was going to be happy on our 9th anniversary. 

The boys were jumping up and down as we walked up to the front door. If I were not on the verge of turning 30 I probably would have jumped up and down, too. But as soon as we walked in the door, I knew something was off. I could just tell. We walked up to the counter where a young, black kid stood stoically behind the register, unmoved by the glazed and sprinkled glory that laid mere feet behind him. As I got closer and closer I was gripped by shear panic. There. Were. No. Vanilla. Creme. Donuts. My eyes darted around the various baskets searching and hoping that there was some mistake. Surely they had a whole tray of them somewhere. Wrong.

Pointing to the empty basket behind him, I kindly asked the kid, “Do you have any Vanilla Creme?” He blinked and repeated, “Vanilla Creme?” “Yes,” I said, “Vanilla Creme.” He began to turn around to verify the empty basket and 20 seconds later he turned back toward me and for real said, “Nope. We got Chocolate Creme. You want that?” 

I’m pretty sure in that moment every person in the store visually secured the location of the nearest exit... just in case. No one knew better than Lance that this was a bad, bad situation. That poor, foolish boy had just suggested I accept a Chocolate Creme donut like that was a comparable substitute. Lance quickly asked, “Is there any way we remedy this situation?” and he gave him the look that CLEARLY said, “In everyone’s best interest you should hurry on to the back and make up some Vanilla Creme donuts!” but this kid was obviously unmarried and did not understand this look, because he pursed his lips, shook his head and said, “Naw. Sorry.”

Sorry? SORRY? Y’all, I was so mad I could have cried. Maybe I should have cried... that might have gotten me a Vanilla Creme donut. I told Lance to get whatever he and the boys wanted, but I would just pass. He tried to get me to order something... anything. I stood there with clinched teeth trying to convince myself that I could get something else and be okay, but it was no use. I had my heart set on a sweet, wonderful, problem-solving Vanilla Creme donut... the one thing that could have saved the day from being a complete failure. I had wanted my girls, but I couldn’t have them. I had wanted a trip with my man, but I couldn’t have that. I had wanted a quiet dinner with no kids, but I couldn’t have that. I had wanted Indian food, but I couldn’t have that, and finally, I had wanted one freaking Vanilla Creme donut, but I couldn’t have that either. I was done. I walked out. The towel was thrown.

So that’s the story of how we spent our 9th celebration of wedded bliss. God bless Lance Ogden. He got himself a whole lot of crazy when he married me, but I’m so thankful he did. Maybe our 10th anniversary will go better. We’ll see.

For some comic relief (because I know y’all are devastated that I didn’t get my donut) I will share what I learned later, while apologizing to Lance for being a pure, red-eyed witch. When I walked out of the store, this is the conversation that went down:

Kid behind the counter: “Man... for a minute there I was scared for you!”

Lance [surprised]: “Me? I was scared for YOU!”

Kid behind the counter: “Pshhh... She can’t hurt me. I’m behind the counter.”

Lance: “Dude, she’s quick!”

Kid behind the counter: “Naw, she ain’t faster than me.”

That poor, poor, naive boy. He had no idea...

Until next time. -K

Summer Greetings!

Once again I’ve come to place where I have a whole lot to say but don’t really know how to get it all out. I keep typing stuff and then deleting it. I DO NOT LIKE THIS PLACE!!! And you, my poor readers, are the ones that suffer, because you go months without being able to read my intriguing, highly intellectual and moving words. Life is just so hard sometimes. 

Just today, a friend (who shall remain nameless but it starts with “C” and ends with a “laire”) came up to me crying at a baby shower saying that she was still not able to log into my blog. I tried to console her, but it was pretty useless. Seeing how distraught she was, I realized how much people really NEED to read my blog! I went in the bathroom, slapped myself and determined that for the sake of my readers, I MUST write a blog today. So here I am!

It’s summer y’all! I got no schedules to keep and a whole lot of busy to fill in where the schedules used to be. So, for the sake of my readers I will write a blog, but for the sake of my sanity I will make it a radom thoughts post. Yep, intriguing and highly intellectual all the way!

Random thought #1 - Just in case you haven’t figured it out, I love sarcasm. Sarcasm is my love language... with words of affirmation coming in second. Do you see how messed up that is? Lance has a very fine line to walk. Poor man.

Random thought #2 - My house is clean. You can make an appointment to view this miracle anyti... whoops, I spoke too soon. Give me a few hours...

Random thought #3 - I will freely admit that I am slightly addicted to Candy Crush. Stupid peer pressure. Maybe those people who come to elementary schools to talk to kids about rejecting peer pressure and not doing drugs should also come to our businesses, malls, churches, etc and talk to adults about rejecting peer pressure and not playing Candy Crush. I think I feel a new business venture being birthed. My point is that I am on level 158 and I pretty sure I’m done with the whole mess. The little chocolate machines... yeah those are just not fair. 

Random thought #4 - Speaking of not fair, I’m really, really tired of hearing about the whole Zimmerman case. He was tried before a jury of his peers and whether or not I agree with the verdict, it is done. I wish our President would get on national television and talk about the TOP killer of African Americans... abortion. A lot of those millions of innocent babies would have looked like him... could have been him, too. End rant.

Random thought #5 - I am loving this summer! I’m not sure if it’s because this very well may be the last summer I have with JUST my boys, but I am really enjoying my time with them. We cuddle a lot. It’s fun. 

The other day, the whole family cuddled (sort of). It was fun. <--- See highly intellectual right here! Excuse my annoyingly loud laughing and FYI Asher was completely ok at the end. 

Random thought #6 - I made some chipotle chicken lettuce wraps the other day that would make you slap your momma. They were pretty darn spicy but they were oh so good. Here’s the recipe: Slap Yo Momma Lettuce Wraps 

Random thought #7 - We went to the Aquarium this past Wednesday. People in the south apparently really like fish, because it was crowsy. Oh yeah, I guess I should mention that Brayden introduced us to a new word: crowsy: adj. to be crazy crowded. 

Random thought #8 - Since we are on the subject of [Country in Asia], our friends, Gwen and Todd, just got home from picking up their beautiful daughter, Shanti. She is precious and I am so happy for them. My heart was so full seeing the pictures of this sweet family all together after such a long journey. It was a bit of a bonus (ok a LOT of a bonus) for our family that Shanti was in the same orphanage as our girls. They are friends!! Gwen and Todd were able to lay eyes on our girls and it’s so amazing how something as simple as that can warm this momma’s heart. We also heard there are pictures! EEEEEK! I can’t wait to see them! Here's one of K and Shanti together that our friend Aimee took several months back.

Radom thought #9 - The Lord has truly been gracious to us over the last few months. This roller coaster has been quite the ride, and I know without the grace and goodness of God I would have surely been thrown from the cart. One day soon I will blog specifically about this, but I am finding more and more that this adoption really isn’t just about the adoption. God is refining us in a really intense way. We’ve never gone through this type of fire. I can’t say I enjoy it but I can certainly see that God is doing a good thing in our hearts. If you want God to totally mess you up (in a good way), say “yes” to something crazy like adopting 3 kids. 

Well y'all, I think that’s enough random for today. Your welcome! ;-)

Until next time! -K

Day 5: Chick-Fil-A and Hamstrings

DAY FIVE!!! Y’all, after today, I will have gone five, count em, five whole days without eating lots of foods I love (aka BREAD). Jesus said that man cannot live on bread alone, but I’m pretty sure I could come close. No bagels (I told Lance last night that a bagel would have rocked my pants off at that moment... he offered to go get me a bagel), no toast, no sandwiches, no pizza, no crackers, no pasta, no granola bars, no sweets and... NO Chick-Fil-A!

Hang on while I go rip my clothes and pour ashes on my head. Kidding... well sort of. I miss my Chick-Fil-A y'all! 

Jeff Fox Worthy had a hilarious bit on Chick-Fil-A complete with a Nell impression. I have called it Chick-Fil-lay-lay for years now. Unfortunately I cannot find a video of that anywhere, so here’s a runner up...

Over all, things have been going pretty well so far. Not as horrible as I thought. I really do feel that God has strengthened me and begun to give me a healthier view of food. I found out yesterday that I can still eat grits on a gluten free diet. That made me oddly happy. Although, yesterday was an exception for the whole “going pretty well” thing. Yesterday was about as fun as when your child steps in a huge pile of doggy poo and then proceeds to do laps around the living room. Yesterday = Crapy.

Lance woke me up at like 6:00am so we could do our Can You 24 “Melt” workout. I was still sore from the first time we did that. Apparently I didn’t stretch or warm up well enough because as soon as I went into my first set of lunges it felt like somebody was ripping my hamstrings out of both my legs. I have NEVER had hamstring issues, so I have no clue what the deal was, but I was hurting pretty badly. I decided not to continue the workout for fear that I would injure myself more than I already had. I could barely walk. I went back to bed for a while and when I woke up I iced both legs. That helped some... or maybe the help came from the 800mg of Ibuprofen that I took. Who knows. I moved around as little as possible which was probably a good thing because I was craving sweets and carbs something fierce. I went back to bed around 1:00pm and when I woke up my legs were much, much better. Still, not a fun day!

Today, I woke up feeling better still! Yay! I didn’t do the workout this morning but I may do the Core Stretch this afternoon. I’ll see how things feel.

I’m not going to tell you my weight (a lady never tells that), but I will share my progress. As of today, I am down 3lbs and I’ve lost over 7.5 inches all over. I feel better during the day (except for yesterday) and I’m sleeping better at night. Praise the Lord for the start of a healthier body!

The gluten free deal is frustrating a bit, but I’m really praying that it will help make my body healthier and cure my acne. I think going gluten free is frustrating mainly due to this...

There are a TON of awesome gluten free recipes... for desserts and breads and waffles and more desserts. While I am loving the fact that there are recipes for these things, I kind a would like some real meal ideas! I guess I will just have to go buy a cookbook soon. 

Okay, so I guess that’s my update. I can’t really think of anything else right now. I will just plan to give another update in a few days. :)

Until next time! -K