I woke up Monday, September 16th to an email from the US Department of Homeland Security saying our I-800A (our request to adopt from a Hague nation) was being approved that day! This was great news! While I was excited about it, I instantly began to feel anxious.
Since early June, we have been waiting for the official referral documents for K, K and R to be sent to us so that we could proceed with our adoption process. Our dossier along with the girls’ CSRs (Child Study Report) have been in the authorities’ office waiting for them to put our match into the computer system and send us the documents to sign. For months our agency and the director of the orphanage have been asking for this to be done. We were told it would be done and that there was no problem causing the delay.
During this time, we were patient. There was no risk (that we were aware of) of losing the referral so it was just a matter of waiting. We were still waiting on our I-800A approval, so we weren’t losing any time by waiting for these documents, but as soon as that approval came, the clock started ticking. Every day that passed without those documents moving was a day that our adoption process was delayed... a day added to K, K and R being orphans. So yes, I was anxious.
On Thursday, September 19th, we received a call from our agency director. In the adoption world, calls from your agency tend to be accompanied by either really good news or really bad news. This call was accompanied by the latter.
To make a long story short, while we were waiting for our match to be made official, the girls’ referral was presented to another American family... the other family accepted. For us, this means that we lost the referral for K, K and R. Lance has asked repeatedly if there is anything we can do, but we have been told that our only option is to grieve this loss and wait for another referral.
We are heartbroken. We are confused. We are discouraged. It’s so hard to explain how hard this is (especially to those who are unacquainted with the roller coaster of adoption), but our pain and grief is real. For seven months our family has loved, prayed for and anticipated these precious little ones as our daughters/sisters, and they will never come home to us. An adoption miscarriage, if you will.
Despite our pain, there are several things we are confident of...
We are confident that we made the right decision in saying “yes” to these girls. We have no doubts about this. We know 100% that God led us down this road... we just don’t know why. We trusted that God would lead us and that he would open and close doors as he willed. Up until this point, we have witnessed God open doors and move mountains in ways that only he can, but now he has chosen to close the door and lead us down another path. We have disappointment but no regrets. This is part of our journey, and K, K and R will forever hold a piece of our hearts.
We are confident that God is in control of all things and while this was a shock to us, it was not a shock to God. We believe God is a good and loving Father, and we trust that he will not fail us, nor will he fail these little girls. We know that God has a plan for our good and, more importantly, for his glory. While we may not ever understand why he led us down this path only to close the door, we know that his plan is far better than anything we could ever hope for. We can trust him despite our pain and disappointment.
We are confident that Christ is enough, that he is our sufficiency and our hope. Though God has taken from us, we will continue to praise him for he is worthy. No one else can satisfy us as he does. No one else can comfort us as he does. "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21
How could this happen? Well, unfortunately, in the world of adoption, the loss of referrals is not uncommon. Sometimes families lose referrals within a couple of weeks of receiving them. Sometimes families lose referrals at the very end of the process. Sometimes families lose referrals more than once during their adoption journey. We are not unique. Adoption is a really complicated process, and there are so many different factors involved. An adoption without delays, setbacks or disappointment is rare. We took a risk in loving these girls knowing that nothing would be final or official until they were in our arms. It was a risk we were willing to take and we will take that risk again because we believe God has called us to adoption.
So, where do we go from here? Lance and I have discussed with our agency how we want to proceed with our adoption. We have returned to our request for 1-2 little girls. But right now, we can’t even fathom receiving another referral, and I’m pretty sure we won’t have to worry about that for a while. Things are moving VERY slowly in [country in Asia] so it could easily be a year or more before we receive another referral. At that point we would have to consider if we want to accept it or wait for another one. We have nothing left to do (formally) but wait. In the meantime we will continue to fundraise which will include doing a Both Hands Project the first weekend in December.
Speaking of fundraising, there is one bright spot in this situation... none of our money was lost, so we still have $21,000 (thanks to all the wonderfully generous people who have helped us raise these funds) that will still go toward our adoption. We will most likely NOT be matched with another sibling group of three in the future, so this means our funding goal just dropped from $60,000 to just under $50,000 if we are matched with two girls. If we are matched with one little girl, our funding goal will drop to about $35,000.
How can you help us while we work through this loss? First off, you can pray for us. There is a hand full of people who have already been praying for us about this situation and I believe those prayers are being felt. God has given us a blanket of peace over the pain. So, continue covering our whole family and this situation in prayer... Pray that God would continue to give us peace and help us to trust him as we take steps in the dark. Pray that God would comfort our sons, Brayden and Asher, who have loved these girls as sisters and are going through the grieving process just as Lance and I are. Pray for K, K and R and their future family. Pray that they will get home quickly and that it will be a Christ-centered home. Pray for their transition and for things to go well once they get home. Pray for our future children wherever and whoever they are. Pray that the Lord will be merciful and allow the process to go more quickly than we expect. Pray for the director of our agency as she is under quite a bit of stress right now with so many families stuck in the new system. Pray that God would give her strength and wisdom to serve all of her families well.
Secondly, while we TRULY welcome and appreciate your support and encouragement, when you see us in person, please be conscientious about how you approach the matter, especially around our boys. Please forgive us if we don’t elaborate or if we seem quick to change the subject. Right now emotions are still pretty raw (particularly for me). Hugs are AWESOME!
As we move forward with our adoption, Lance and I will be more cautious with our hearts in many ways. Just as parents who suffer a physical miscarriage may not share future pregnancies until they have reached the 2nd trimester, we will likely not share about future referrals until we have the NOC (which is the document that basically says “This is your child!”). Therefore, I probably won’t have any adoption updates for quite some time.
Lance and I want to thank all of you who have prayed for us, supported us and blessed us. We are forever grateful that you are a part of our adoption journey. The outpouring of love and support that we have already received in the last two weeks has been so helpful. So, thank you...
The words of this song really touched me a few weeks back. Maybe God was beginning to prepare my heart.
The words of this song really touched me a few weeks back. Maybe God was beginning to prepare my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment