Words

I’ve held back from sharing this post for a while. Sometimes the raw, untainted truth isn’t such a pretty thing. We live in a society where we only put the best of ourselves forward and we can do that because the true “us” hides behind our Instagrams or our FB profiles or our blogs. Even in flesh and blood we’re fake people. You know you have a true friend when you can bare your soul with them and share all of your shortcomings and downfalls and they shake their head and say “I totally understand,” and they really do. I have a handful of these friends and what a blessing it is... but the topic of friendship is a topic for another day. Today I’m going to talk about words.

Words are interesting little things. They are just a combination of symbols, sounds and inflections. They are lifeless things yet carry with them such power, such weight. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Death and life... these are not things to be taken lightly. With our words we can crush and defeat, and with our words we can build up and breath hope. We choose. Everyday. 

Over the last 10 years Lance and I have heard a lot of hurtful words from people whose words tend to matter the most, but I would say about 50% of those wounding words have been spoken over the last year and a half as we have gone through one of the most difficult times of our lives. These words have not brought hope, joy, encouragement and life, rather they have brought pain, stress, discouragement and death. And the really sad thing is, they were spoken with the intention of “helping” us and making us better. Funny how that works.

The other day after another dose of hurtful, discouraging words, I found a quote online. It says, “There comes a point when you have to realize that you’ll never be good enough for some people. The question is, is that your problem or theirs?” I began to think about all the damaging and critical words that have flowed into our ears and I was saddened by the effect it’s had. I cannot count the times we’ve said to each other, “Nothing we do is good enough.” and “We can’t do anything right.” Maybe it’s not our problem but theirs. 

Then, I began to think about all the critical words that have flowed OUT of my own mouth and into the ears of my children, and I was utterly devastated by that reality. I thought about how quick I am to criticize. Maybe it’s not coming out and saying “You suck,” but it’s little criticisms all the time like “Why can’t you keep your room clean?” “Your handwriting on this is sloppy!” and “You need to stop being ungrateful!” Lets be honest, when you add them up day after day, from their point of view, they really say the same thing... and the sad thing is these critical words were spoken with the intention of “helping” them and making them better! This is the not-so-pretty truth of things and I’m not proud of it. 

It’s easy for me to let these little criticisms slide out and yet I have to be so intentional about affirmations and encouragements. Why? Why is death so easy to find on the tongue? Its always right there, ready and waiting. But life? I have to search for life on my tongue. I have to seek after it, but when I find it and bring it forth, it so beautiful, so wonderful. So why is that? Maybe because death is alway the easier choice because it’s our natural inclination... our sin nature. Sin is death.

I don’t ever want my children to look back over their life (or even their week) and think “I’m never good enough” because that would be our problem not theirs. I love my boys, and I think they are amazing kids with so many awesome, God given gifts and characteristics. My words should reflect that! James 1:26 says, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” I’ve been asking God to help me bridle my tongue and to send me life giving words to pour into my children.

Words... just combinations of sounds and symbols and yet so, so much more than that. We have the power to speak life and death into those around us. We have a choice. Everyday. What are you speaking to the people in your life? 

Until next time. -K