Reflections

Today is the the last day of one of the best years of my adult life. After a very rough and discouraging 2013 on almost all fronts, 2014 brought with it so much joy and blessing into our family. As I reflect over all that God has done, I am truly in awe of who He is and how much He loves us. 

On Christmas morning, as all FIVE of our children sat around the tree opening their gifts, I cried tears of happiness. All of our hopes and prayers over the last two years had come to this... two handsome sons and three beautiful daughters for us to treasure and love and share the world with. It was and is so wonderful.

 

 

It was a strange feeling, really – one I’ve had quite often since November 10th. Although, it’s actually an oddly familiar feeling. After giving birth to both of my boys, I would stare at them in disbelief that mere weeks before they were nesting within my own body – so close and intimate yet so unknown to me. It seemed weird that all of the waiting and pain was over in a single moment and they were in my arms. And in that moment it was as if that was all I had ever known. On one side of that moment I couldn’t fathom life with them in it and on the other side of that moment I couldn’t fathom life without them.

This was the same feeling that I had as I watched wrapping paper fly across the room and listened to little girls giggle over their new gifts. All our waiting and pain was over in that beautiful moment on November 10th, and here they were in our living room, no longer nesting in my heart but here with us, living and breathing. And it’s as if this is all I have ever known. 

 

I always wondered how I would love my adopted children. Not IF I could love them, but rather how it would compare to the love I have for my biological children. Surprisingly for some adoptive parents, the love they expected to have for their new children isn’t there automatically. Love isn’t always instant. Love grows as a result of relationship and the building of trust. While I believe we have a lot of room for our love to grow, I realized the other day that I truly love our girls in the same way I love our boys. I love them... truly and honestly, I love them. Sometimes, I almost forget they aren’t my own flesh and blood... then I walk into the grocery store and all the stares remind me. 

I think about how scared we were two years ago. We had so many fears of the unknown, but we couldn’t get away from the strong conviction that God was leading us to adopt. It was illogical and crazy, but we put our fears aside and took a risk for love. I’m so thankful we didn’t use our fears as excuses because we would have missed out on so much! 

I wonder how many people out there feel led to adopt or foster, but use their fears as excuses to put it off or just say “no” all together. I wonder how many children are waiting for their families to choose them over fear. 

I won’t pretend adoption is a bed of roses, because it’s not. Adoption is hard, gut wrenching and will expose your own sin and brokenness more than you can imagine. I actually plan to blog about some of the gritty details soon, because I believe it’s important to share the ugly, hard parts of adoption as well as the shiny, pretty ones. However, adoption is so beautiful, rewarding and faith building and I will never, for the rest of my life, stop advocating for families to rise up and answer the call of caring for children in need. 

My desire for 2015 is for more children to go from this...

to this...

Until next time! -K