Alrighty, I’m back! I’ve been spending all my free time in gamblers anonymous after returning from Vegas! Those penny slots, which are terribly named by the way, are quite addictive! Totally kidding, y’all! I hate gambling! I stopped while I was a whopping $5.00 ahead... oh wait, no, I think I was actually $5.00 down. Oh well.
But seriously, you guys should just come to expect large gaps between posts by now. I mean lets just be open and honest here... I stink at this pretty bad. So, savor this post as you read it. You never know how long it will have to hold you over for!
We are ready for Christmas in the Ogden house! Hooray! I guess we should be since it is indeed Christmas Eve! Yikes! Where has this year gone?
We took a different route this year in regard to presents (thanks to the suggestion of my friend Jenny) and it has been WAY less stressful for me! I think we have found a new family tradition! Maybe I will post about our traditions on Wednesday as my children recover from their sugar highs and wrapping paper cuts. I hope all of you are enjoying the holidays, too. :)
I posted a FB status the other day that mentioned our adoption, and judging by some of the “Wow! I had no idea!”s that I got, I figured I should post an adoption update despite the discouraging fact that not much as changed. I have been working diligently on my autobiography for our home study and I finished it Friday. To be completely honest, I’m having some withdraws from answering probing questions, so I thought I would do the update via a Q&A post.
Some of these questions people have actually asked, some we’ve asked ourselves and some we assume people are wondering but just don’t ask. You’d probably be surprised which are which. For the record, I’m ok with people asking me questions as long as it’s not something that will harm my children (they definitely listen). I know there’s been a lot of hype about “%@*& people say to adoptive parents” floating around in the adoptive-mom-blogosphere, but, as of 12/24/2012, I am not easily offended by questions and comments... ask me again in about three years.
Enjoy your update and answers...
You’re adopting? I had no idea! Yes, we are indeed adopting. We shared our decision with family and friends back in September. We are adopting two little girls. Currently, we’re in the first portion of the process called the home study. This is basically an application to be parents... even though we already are. The home study will probably take about 8-10 weeks. We have our first visit or meeting with Lifeline (the agency doing our home study) on January 15th! Yay for some progress!
What made you choose to adopt? Long story short, God. He began to lay adoption on our hearts back in 2009 when he showed us how we, as Christians, have been adopted. We feel adoption is a beautiful example of the gospel that is near and dear to the heart of God.
Are you adopting domestically or internationally? Why? We are adopting internationally from [country in Asia]. We chose [country in Asia] because we wanted to adopt from a country where the gospel is not free to be preached.
Aren’t there like a ton of kids here that need homes, too? Yes, there is a heartbreaking amount of orphans in the USA, but we feel that God is calling us to adopt from [country in Asia]. We are not against domestic adoption and who knows, God may call us to adopt domestically one day, but today, He’s calling us to adopt from [country in Asia].
Will they be sisters? Yes, they will be biological sisters. [Country in Asia] will not allow you to adopt two unrelated children at the same time! This was kind of a “BOO!” for me because I kind of see it as a probable delay in referral, but God has our girls picked out and it will be a perfect match at the perfect time.
Why don’t you become foster parents first to “try it out”? I didn’t know you could “try kids out” but at this point in our life, we don’t feel called to be foster parents... we feel called to be adoptive parents. I will say however, that God has really been working on my heart about fostering and state adoptions. So maybe one day we will “try some out.” Grrr.
How much is it going to cost? Ummm including travel, it’s going to be around $50,000 total.
Why is it so dang expensive? I used to get huffy about this myself before we started this process. I thought, “Why does it cost so much money! If it were cheaper, then more kids would probably be adopted!” That’s a logically thought process, but honestly, the $$ is pretty legit. There are agency fees, government fees, country fees, travel expenses and a ton of little random things... it just adds up.
So you just make a load of money and have that all saved up? No, we definitely don’t make a load of money (and we aren’t good enough at chemistry to raise it Breaking Bad style either) and we certainly don’t have stacks of $$ resting sweetly in a savings account. As much as the cheapo in me wishes it wouldn’t cost so much, I kind of feel like it’s a required part of the journey for our personal growth. As a control freak, this is hard, but we have to trust that God will provide what we need. We have seen His provision already and it’s truly amazing. So far, we’ve raised over $3,000.
But you don’t have a have a big enough house or car for four kids! Our house is definitely smaller than I would prefer, but we feel that this is where we need to be for the time being. We will likely look for something bigger shortly after the girls come home. And a swagger wagon is definitely in my future. The Cube will be making it’s exit probably around this time next year.
Why don’t you just sponsor a bunch of kids or buy an orphanage with all that money? Well, I think those are great things to do, but God has called us to adopt. *Smiles ever so sweetly*
So how long does it take? TOO STINKIN LONG! We really don’t know how long it will take, but our guess is it will be another 18-24 months. Bleh! Actually, [country in Asia] isn’t even taking international adoption applications at the moment because of backlog and probably won’t start up again until after February. We aren’t sure how or if this will effect our timeline yet.
Do you know who your girls are yet? No, we won’t likely get a referral for a while.
What do your kids think? I think Asher is pretty blissfully ignorant about the whole situation, but Brayden is pretty open to the adoption. After all, he was the one who prayed for a sister for weeks on end. Now he prays for his sisters. He asks questions sometimes. We talk about it on a fairly regular basis.
Do you really want more kids? Like 100% more? Well, had you asked me that a few years ago, I would have quickly said, “No way! Are you crazy? I don’t want to be out numbered! Two is plenty enough!!” It’s funny how our plans don’t always match up with God’s plans and it’s also funny how he can change your wants. Of course the thought of four kids is slightly terrifying when I consider how the wine section calls me by name when I take only TWO children to the grocery store by myself. I ask God quite often, “Are you sure about this?” He hasn’t said, “Just kidding!” yet.
Don’t you have enough on your plate right now? Ummmm yes, yes I do have enough on my plate, but I also have two little girls who need to come home. So what’s your point?
Won’t you get a lot of stares, comments and questions since the girls won’t look like you? They won’t look like me? :) Yes, I totally expect the stares and Qs. I’m sure they will get annoying, but that’s just part of the deal.
Are you adopting special needs children? I think a sibling group is technically considered “special needs” but yes, we are open to some special needs.
How old will they be? When we first started talking about adoption I had a cute little one year old (note the singular form) pictured in my head, but now, I’m guessing our girls will be somewhere close to our boys ages. We really want Brayden to remain the eldest child, so that means they will be younger than six.
So do you have to go there to get them? Yes, one parent must travel once to India and stay for about 1-2 weeks. We will both go, though.
Aren’t you worried they will have, you know, emotional issues? I would LOVE for things to go smoothly and never have any “issues” but I’m preparing myself for the worst regarding the transition period. Thankfully I have several adoptive friends who go before me, and I know they will be wonderful resources of wisdom and encouragement. Selfishly, I don’t want my children to have any issues of trauma, neglect or abuse, but I know that God has already chosen the perfect children for our family... no matter what that looks like. He will be our strength... that’s where my hope lies.
Don’t you worry that you won’t love them like your “real” kids? First off, I think the “real kids” term is probably going to be the one thing that does bother me. Our girls WILL be our REAL kids. They are just as much really ours as our boys are! I have absolutely no worry at all that I will love my girls with the same unconditional, motherly love as I have for my boys. I know this because God has already began to grow this love for them in my heart despite the fact we have yet to even see their faces.
Don’t you think this is unfair to your “real” kids? I mean this is really going to affect them! My “real” kids already think life is unfair, but honestly, I think this is the best thing for our boys. I just have to trust the hearts of our boys to the Lord.
There seem to be a lot of people in your church adopting, is that why you’re adopting? Well, as I said before, we felt God calling us to adoption back in 2009. Then, we only knew two families who had adopted. I will say that I think seeing the support of our church for adoption was definitely encouraging, but we are simply being obedient. I wish more people, in more churches, all over our city would be obedient.
Can we ask any other questions we may have? Sure! Why not!
Well y’all, that is it for now. I have laundry to do. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with your families! If you think about it, pray for our girls... that God would send his angels to comfort them, that they would not hurt or go hungry, that wherever they are they would not be lonely, that God would whisper in their ears that their family loves them.
Until next time! -K
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