Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Because Laughing Is Good For The Soul

I don't know what got me into a YouTube-prank-watching-mood, but I spent WAY too much time today laughing at these videos. I figured I should help you waste some time and get in a good laugh, too.

You gotta love pranks in a different language. Sorry if there are any curse words... I didn't hear any. ;-)



Y'all I laughed so hard at these people but I know I would have peed my pants if I were them.



Drive thru pranks are one of my FAVS!



Heehee... as a photographer this had me crying.



...And another photo related prank.

I hope y'all have a fabulous Tuesday! I hope Wednesday is just ok, but Tuesday better be awesome!

Until next time! -K

Friday, October 18, 2013

I'm Just Difficult, Low Maintenance


Since I failed to discuss my 9th anniversary of being Mrs. Lance Ogden on our actual anniversary (Oct 2nd), I decided that I would recount our celebration today.... 16 days late. 

Let me start out with a disclaimer: Lance and I are not the type of people who make a big fuss about birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. I did not marry Noah Calhoun, and Lance did not marry... I can’t think of any super romantic female characters. Whatever. You get the point. On with the story...

A few years ago, Lance and I went on our first trip alone since having kids for our 6th anniversary. We just went to the mountains, but it was awesome. We promised that every year for our anniversary we would take a trip just the two of us. 


The next year, we went to Seattle which was super duper amazing. We had to go all out to make sure we crushed any “7 Year Itch”, right?


Last year, as you may recall, we went all the way to the top of a parking garage and watched the sunset. Yeah, that’s it. No trip. Promise broken.


I knew this year wouldn’t be far off from last year. I would have LOVED to have taken a trip but who was I kidding? We are in the middle of an adoption that could cost upward of  $50,000... Ain’t nobody got dough for that. At least none that we could justify spending on a romantic getaway. I figured dinner would do.

Of course, like a moron, I decided my anniversary was the best day to tell the world about our situation with the girls. Dumb, dumb, and more dumb! It definitely did not set the mood for a joyful, anniversary celebration. I spent the first half of the day crying, and when I finally got myself together enough to start planning our evening, it was too late to find anyone to watch the boys. While not ideal, I shrugged off the disappointment and decided they could join us. Whatever man.

When I did finally decide that a dinner out was in our future, I started craving Indian food. We love Indian food. Lance always says “yes” to Indian food... except on October 2, 2013. On this day, Lance was not feeling up to Indian food. *Sigh* Ok, that sucks. See, the problem with craving Indian food is that there is really nothing comparable. It’s not like you can go get Italian or Mexican and be good. No, Indian food is unique, so when Lance said, “No Indian food tonight. Where else do you want to go?” I had absolutely nothing. It all sounded like tasteless slop to me. He suggested Jimmy John’s and I said “Sure, let’s go to Jimmy John’s.” What I wanted to say was, “Why on earth would I want to go to Jimmy Johns? That is like the polar opposite of Indian food!”

Now, let me be clear. When I said earlier that I don’t make a big fuss about stuff like anniversaries and birthdays, that was not to imply that I don’t fuss about stuff. I’m not high maintenance, I’m just difficult, low maintenance... meaning I’m pretty easy to keep happy but when there is a break down in my happy you might as well just throw in the towel and start over tomorrow. Does that make sense? 

So, we went to Jimmy John’s. It was a decent sandwich that did nothing for my Indian craving.  Remember the kids were with us? Yeah, so Asher spilled his regular sized drink (because Jimmy John’s does not believe in kids meals or kids drinks) all over the floor. Like all of it. The only redemption was that none of it was on me. How did that happen? We moved to another table and ate our amazing...ly un-Indian food. Twenty minutes later we were done. So romantic. I think Lance and I even got to say a few words to each other.

As we walked out the door I glanced up and saw a beautiful thing... something that could make all things right in the world... the Dunkin Donuts sign up the road. Yes. Amen. I turned to Lance and said, “Umm... are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I waited for the joke but instead he said, “Uh, was there any question about that?” and instantly I knew that we were truly soul mates–this man gets me on a deeper level than any other human. Soon, I would be holding a Vanilla Creme donut in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other hand, and by golly I was going to be happy on our 9th anniversary. 

The boys were jumping up and down as we walked up to the front door. If I were not on the verge of turning 30 I probably would have jumped up and down, too. But as soon as we walked in the door, I knew something was off. I could just tell. We walked up to the counter where a young, black kid stood stoically behind the register, unmoved by the glazed and sprinkled glory that laid mere feet behind him. As I got closer and closer I was gripped by shear panic. There. Were. No. Vanilla. Creme. Donuts. My eyes darted around the various baskets searching and hoping that there was some mistake. Surely they had a whole tray of them somewhere. Wrong.

Pointing to the empty basket behind him, I kindly asked the kid, “Do you have any Vanilla Creme?” He blinked and repeated, “Vanilla Creme?” “Yes,” I said, “Vanilla Creme.” He began to turn around to verify the empty basket and 20 seconds later he turned back toward me and for real said, “Nope. We got Chocolate Creme. You want that?” 

I’m pretty sure in that moment every person in the store visually secured the location of the nearest exit... just in case. No one knew better than Lance that this was a bad, bad situation. That poor, foolish boy had just suggested I accept a Chocolate Creme donut like that was a comparable substitute. Lance quickly asked, “Is there any way we remedy this situation?” and he gave him the look that CLEARLY said, “In everyone’s best interest you should hurry on to the back and make up some Vanilla Creme donuts!” but this kid was obviously unmarried and did not understand this look, because he pursed his lips, shook his head and said, “Naw. Sorry.”

Sorry? SORRY? Y’all, I was so mad I could have cried. Maybe I should have cried... that might have gotten me a Vanilla Creme donut. I told Lance to get whatever he and the boys wanted, but I would just pass. He tried to get me to order something... anything. I stood there with clinched teeth trying to convince myself that I could get something else and be okay, but it was no use. I had my heart set on a sweet, wonderful, problem-solving Vanilla Creme donut... the one thing that could have saved the day from being a complete failure. I had wanted my girls, but I couldn’t have them. I had wanted a trip with my man, but I couldn’t have that. I had wanted a quiet dinner with no kids, but I couldn’t have that. I had wanted Indian food, but I couldn’t have that, and finally, I had wanted one freaking Vanilla Creme donut, but I couldn’t have that either. I was done. I walked out. The towel was thrown.

So that’s the story of how we spent our 9th celebration of wedded bliss. God bless Lance Ogden. He got himself a whole lot of crazy when he married me, but I’m so thankful he did. Maybe our 10th anniversary will go better. We’ll see.

For some comic relief (because I know y’all are devastated that I didn’t get my donut) I will share what I learned later, while apologizing to Lance for being a pure, red-eyed witch. When I walked out of the store, this is the conversation that went down:

Kid behind the counter: “Man... for a minute there I was scared for you!”
Lance [surprised]: “Me? I was scared for YOU!”
Kid behind the counter: “Pshhh... She can’t hurt me. I’m behind the counter.”
Lance: “Dude, she’s quick!”
Kid behind the counter: “Naw, she ain’t faster than me.”

That poor, poor, naive boy. He had no idea...



Until next time. -K

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

What My Heart Needed

My favorite time of year has arrived. Fall. There is just something about fall that speaks to my soul. Maybe it’s the crisp air or the colorful leaves. Maybe it’s the smell of spices or coffee. I don’t know... maybe it’s all of it. I just love fall!


Lance, the boys and I just got back from a trip to the mountains for a much needed vacation. Fall has certainly arrived in North Georgia! The weather was absolutely beautiful. We went to several festivals, we watched a parade, looked through old scrapbooks and took a couple of long rides in the Jeep. My mom and I spent some time together which I really enjoyed. She’s always so encouraging, uplifting and supportive... a stark contrast to certain others in our life. We didn’t do a ton of stuff, but it was nice just to relax. Sitting on the porch, overlooking the mountains, sipping on coffee and reading the Word... perfect.  






My schedule has been brutal the last couple of months. I’ve been on two business trips, photographed multiple events, ran a bookstore for a conference, and had quite a few regular photo sessions. In a way, I think it’s been a good distraction from losing the girls, but I recognized that it was time for me to slow down and deal with all of this. I really needed this time away to take in the beauty of God’s creation, to just be a mom to my boys, simply enjoy some rest and mull over the events of the last month. 

As I have thought more and more about it, I have realized how confused I am. People ask how I’m doing and I just say, “Okay,” because it’s hard to put into words what I feel since it changes so often. One moment I’m content and the next moment I’m angry. One moment I’m hopeful and the next moment I’m desperately discouraged. One moment I’m joyful and the next moment I’m heartbroken. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel or how I’m supposed to view the unknown path ahead of us. How do I move on when there is no closure? How can I let them go when there’s still a flicker of hope inside of me that God will bring them back to us. He’s done it a couple of times already. I know he CAN, but I don’t know that he will. Do we pray for what we desire even when it seems foolish? When will we know it’s time to give up and let go? There are just so many questions and no answers that satisfy.

I love how God meets us where we are and provides exactly what we need in the moment. He did this for me yesterday. All of those questions were whirling around in my head all day. In the morning after I had just gone through a crying fit I read a passage that somebody posted on FB about waiting on God (I’ve included it at the bottom of this post). It was convicting and encouraging at the same time. It’s what my heart needed. 

Then, moments later, I found a video that another adoptive mom had shared about God’s merciful dealings with Job (also included below). A completely different message but still exactly what my heart needed. 

And finally, last night I went to the Jeeah’s Hope ladies dessert. It is basically a bunch of adoption/foster minded women who get together and encourage one another. It was so nice to be with a room full of people who get what I’m going through. They know how bad it sucks. After the full room had dwindled down to just four of us, I shared my frustration and confusion over not feeling a release from the girls. I was bouncing around ideas of what we could “do” to find further information that could help us have closure. My friend Gina, who was listening to us go back and forth, spoke up, and I swear what she said had the Holy Spirit written all over it. She said that when she has faced similar situations where she was trying control things and figure it all out she always felt anxious and conflicted (exactly how I have felt). She said she has learned that she has to open her hands up and just let God do whatever He’s going to do without trying to meddle in the process... without trying to control it. She said it way better than I can ever repeat it but, again, it was exactly what my heart needed.

At the end of the evening I strung all the pieces together... I need to be strong and take heart while we wait on the Lord. God is doing something beautiful in this. I need to stop seeking after the gift and seek more after the Giver. As I do this, He will increase my faith and my strength. I need to thank God for bringing me to this place. I need to praise Him for loving me enough to lead me here because it very well may have been the most merciful thing He could have done. I have to open my hands and watch God move. My hands are useless but His are masterful.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. -K



'Inner Strength'

"Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

This side of eternity you and I are called to wait. We're called to recognize that the most important, most essential, most beautiful, and most lasting things in our life are things over which we have no control. No, these things are the gracious gifts of a loving Father. He never is foolish in the way he dispenses his gifts. He never plays favorites. He never mocks our neediness. He never plays bait and switch. He never teases or toys with us. His timing is always right and the gifts that he gives are always appropriate to the moment. He is kind, faithful, loving, merciful, and good.

The One on whom we wait is a dissatisfied Messiah. He will not relent, he will not quit, he will not rest until ever promise he has made been fully delivered. He will not turn from his work until every one of his children has been totally transformed. He will continue to fight until the last enemy is under his feet. He will reign until his kingdom has fully come. As long as sin exists, he will shower us with forgiving, empowering, and delivering grace. He will defend us against attack and attack the enemy on our behalf. He will be faithful to convict, rebuke, encourage, and comfort. He will continue to open the warehouse of his wisdom and unfold for us the glorious mysteries of his truth. He will stand with us through the darkness and the light. He will guide us on a path we could never have discovered or would never have been wise enough to choose. He will supply for us every good thing that we need to be what he's called us to be and to do what he's called us to do in the place where he's put us. And he will not rest from his work until every last microbe of sin has been completely eradicated from every heart of each of his children!

Yet, with all of this being true, we find it hard to wait. We aren't always "strong" in our waiting. No, waiting for many of us becomes a time for increasing fear, doubt, discouragement and susceptibility to temptation. As faith grows weak, our resolve begins to dim, and we begin to secretly wonder if its worth it to obey.

Why? Why do we struggle to be "strong and take heart," when we are being called to wait? Perhaps the answer is found in Romans 4: 18-21.

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father
of many nations, just as it has been said to him, 'So shall your
offspring be.' Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that
his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years
old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver
through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened
in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God
had the power to do what he had promised."

Why did Abraham grow stronger in faith as he waited those many long years? It isn't because he played mental denial games. No, the passage makes it very clear that he faced the facts of the situation head on. In his time of waiting, Abraham had a very different experience than we often do because Abraham did something that we often fail to do. Here it is. The temptation, in times of waiting, is to focus on the thing we are waiting for, all the obstacles that are in the way, our inability to make it happen, and all of the other people who haven't seemed to have had to wait. Along with this we rehearse to ourselves how essential the thing is and how much we are daily losing in its absence. All of this increases our feeling of helplessness, our tendency to think our situation is hopeless, and our judgment that waiting is futile.

While it's true that Abraham considered the facts, they weren't the focus on his meditation. No, his focus was on the God who had made this promise. Everyday Abraham would get up and remind himself that the God who'd made the promises on which he was waiting was absolutely able to deliver them. The God who made heaven and earth would have no trouble causing an old woman to deliver a promised child! Abraham didn't fill his mind with his own weakness and the seeming futility of the situation. No, he filled his mind again and again with the glory of God's immeasurable power, and as he did, he grew stronger and stronger in faith.

Somewhere in your life you are being called to wait. In your waiting, you are being given an opportunity to deepen and strengthen your faith. So, get up tomorrow and fill yourself with vitamins of truth. Nourish your heart with the nutrient food of the glory of God. Feed on the strength-giving meat of his goodness, grace, and love. Snack throughout the day on his power and his presence. And watch the muscles of your heart grow stronger as the days go by. Feed on your Lord and be strong!

--Paul David Tripp 



Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Though You Take From Me...

To say that the past couple of weeks have been hard is a massive understatement. They have been gut wrenchingly hard.

I woke up Monday, September 16th to an email from the US Department of Homeland Security saying our I-800A (our request to adopt from a Hague nation) was being approved that day! This was great news! While I was excited about it, I instantly began to feel anxious. 

Since early June, we have been waiting for the official referral documents for K, K and R to be sent to us so that we could proceed with our adoption process. Our dossier along with the girls’ CSRs (Child Study Report) have been in the authorities’ office waiting for them to put our match into the computer system and send us the documents to sign. For months our agency and the director of the orphanage have been asking for this to be done. We were told it would be done and that there was no problem causing the delay. 

During this time, we were patient. There was no risk (that we were aware of) of losing the referral so it was just a matter of waiting. We were still waiting on our I-800A approval, so we weren’t losing any time by waiting for these documents, but as soon as that approval came, the clock started ticking. Every day that passed without those documents moving was a day that our adoption process was delayed... a day added to K, K and R being orphans. So yes, I was anxious.

On Thursday, September 19th, we received a call from our agency director. In the adoption world, calls from your agency tend to be accompanied by either really good news or really bad news. This call was accompanied by the latter. 

To make a long story short, while we were waiting for our match to be made official, the girls’ referral was presented to another American family... the other family accepted. For us, this means that we lost the referral for K, K and R. Lance has asked repeatedly if there is anything we can do, but we have been told that our only option is to grieve this loss and wait for another referral. 

We are heartbroken. We are confused. We are discouraged. It’s so hard to explain how hard this is (especially to those who are unacquainted with the roller coaster of adoption), but our pain and grief is real. For seven months our family has loved, prayed for and anticipated these precious little ones as our daughters/sisters, and they will never come home to us. An adoption miscarriage, if you will.

Despite our pain, there are several things we are confident of... 

We are confident that we made the right decision in saying “yes” to these girls. We have no doubts about this. We know 100% that God led us down this road... we just don’t know why. We trusted that God would lead us and that he would open and close doors as he willed. Up until this point, we have witnessed God open doors and move mountains in ways that only he can, but now he has chosen to close the door and lead us down another path. We have disappointment but no regrets. This is part of our journey, and K, K and R will forever hold a piece of our hearts.

We are confident that God is in control of all things and while this was a shock to us, it was not a shock to God. We believe God is a good and loving Father, and we trust that he will not fail us, nor will he fail these little girls. We know that God has a plan for our good and, more importantly, for his glory. While we may not ever understand why he led us down this path only to close the door, we know that his plan is far better than anything we could ever hope for. We can trust him despite our pain and disappointment.

We are confident that Christ is enough, that he is our sufficiency and our hope. Though God has taken from us, we will continue to praise him for he is worthy. No one else can satisfy us as he does. No one else can comfort us as he does. "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

How could this happen? Well, unfortunately, in the world of adoption, the loss of referrals is not uncommon. Sometimes families lose referrals within a couple of weeks of receiving them. Sometimes families lose referrals at the very end of the process. Sometimes families lose referrals more than once during their adoption journey. We are not unique. Adoption is a really complicated process, and there are so many different factors involved. An adoption without delays, setbacks or disappointment is rare. We took a risk in loving these girls knowing that nothing would be final or official until they were in our arms. It was a risk we were willing to take and we will take that risk again because we believe God has called us to adoption.

So, where do we go from here? Lance and I have discussed with our agency how we want to proceed with our adoption. We have returned to our request for 1-2 little girls. But right now, we can’t even fathom receiving another referral, and I’m pretty sure we won’t have to worry about that for a while. Things are moving VERY slowly in [country in Asia] so it could easily be a year or more before we receive another referral. At that point we would have to consider if we want to accept it or wait for another one. We have nothing left to do (formally) but wait. In the meantime we will continue to fundraise which will include doing a Both Hands Project the first weekend in December. 

Speaking of fundraising, there is one bright spot in this situation... none of our money was lost, so we still have $21,000 (thanks to all the wonderfully generous people who have helped us raise these funds) that will still go toward our adoption. We will most likely NOT be matched with another sibling group of three in the future, so this means our funding goal just dropped from $60,000 to just under $50,000 if we are matched with two girls. If we are matched with one little girl, our funding goal will drop to about $35,000.

How can you help us while we work through this loss? First off, you can pray for us. There is a hand full of people who have already been praying for us about this situation and I believe those prayers are being felt. God has given us a blanket of peace over the pain. So, continue covering our whole family and this situation in prayer... Pray that God would continue to give us peace and help us to trust him as we take steps in the dark. Pray that God would comfort our sons, Brayden and Asher, who have loved these girls as sisters and are going through the grieving process just as Lance and I are. Pray for K, K and R and their future family. Pray that they will get home quickly and that it will be a Christ-centered home. Pray for their transition and for things to go well once they get home. Pray for our future children wherever and whoever they are. Pray that the Lord will be merciful and allow the process to go more quickly than we expect. Pray for the director of our agency as she is under quite a bit of stress right now with so many families stuck in the new system. Pray that God would give her strength and wisdom to serve all of her families well.

Secondly, while we TRULY welcome and appreciate your support and encouragement, when you see us in person, please be conscientious about how you approach the matter, especially around our boys. Please forgive us if we don’t elaborate or if we seem quick to change the subject. Right now emotions are still pretty raw (particularly for me). Hugs are AWESOME!

As we move forward with our adoption, Lance and I will be more cautious with our hearts in many ways. Just as parents who suffer a physical miscarriage may not share future pregnancies until they have reached the 2nd trimester, we will likely not share about future referrals until we have the NOC (which is the document that basically says “This is your child!”). Therefore, I probably won’t have any adoption updates for quite some time.

Lance and I want to thank all of you who have prayed for us, supported us and blessed us. We are forever grateful that you are a part of our adoption journey. The outpouring of love and support that we have already received in the last two weeks has been so helpful. So, thank you... 

The words of this song really touched me a few weeks back. Maybe God was beginning to prepare my heart.