Reflections

Today is the the last day of one of the best years of my adult life. After a very rough and discouraging 2013 on almost all fronts, 2014 brought with it so much joy and blessing into our family. As I reflect over all that God has done, I am truly in awe of who He is and how much He loves us. 

On Christmas morning, as all FIVE of our children sat around the tree opening their gifts, I cried tears of happiness. All of our hopes and prayers over the last two years had come to this... two handsome sons and three beautiful daughters for us to treasure and love and share the world with. It was and is so wonderful.

 

 

It was a strange feeling, really – one I’ve had quite often since November 10th. Although, it’s actually an oddly familiar feeling. After giving birth to both of my boys, I would stare at them in disbelief that mere weeks before they were nesting within my own body – so close and intimate yet so unknown to me. It seemed weird that all of the waiting and pain was over in a single moment and they were in my arms. And in that moment it was as if that was all I had ever known. On one side of that moment I couldn’t fathom life with them in it and on the other side of that moment I couldn’t fathom life without them.

This was the same feeling that I had as I watched wrapping paper fly across the room and listened to little girls giggle over their new gifts. All our waiting and pain was over in that beautiful moment on November 10th, and here they were in our living room, no longer nesting in my heart but here with us, living and breathing. And it’s as if this is all I have ever known. 

 

I always wondered how I would love my adopted children. Not IF I could love them, but rather how it would compare to the love I have for my biological children. Surprisingly for some adoptive parents, the love they expected to have for their new children isn’t there automatically. Love isn’t always instant. Love grows as a result of relationship and the building of trust. While I believe we have a lot of room for our love to grow, I realized the other day that I truly love our girls in the same way I love our boys. I love them... truly and honestly, I love them. Sometimes, I almost forget they aren’t my own flesh and blood... then I walk into the grocery store and all the stares remind me. 

I think about how scared we were two years ago. We had so many fears of the unknown, but we couldn’t get away from the strong conviction that God was leading us to adopt. It was illogical and crazy, but we put our fears aside and took a risk for love. I’m so thankful we didn’t use our fears as excuses because we would have missed out on so much! 

I wonder how many people out there feel led to adopt or foster, but use their fears as excuses to put it off or just say “no” all together. I wonder how many children are waiting for their families to choose them over fear. 

I won’t pretend adoption is a bed of roses, because it’s not. Adoption is hard, gut wrenching and will expose your own sin and brokenness more than you can imagine. I actually plan to blog about some of the gritty details soon, because I believe it’s important to share the ugly, hard parts of adoption as well as the shiny, pretty ones. However, adoption is so beautiful, rewarding and faith building and I will never, for the rest of my life, stop advocating for families to rise up and answer the call of caring for children in need. 

My desire for 2015 is for more children to go from this...

to this...

Until next time! -K

Home At Last

On Tuesday, November 18, 2014, our whole family of seven was united! After two years of waiting, we finally had all of our family together! We were tired and sick and probably didn't smell very well, but we had each other. What a wonderful day that was! It was the culmination of all our tears and prayers.

Here is our adoption video. It serves as a reminder of all that God has done! We are so thankful for his faithfulness and goodness! I pray our story encourages others!

Until next time! -K

Quick Update On Life At Home

I'm still running behind on blogging obviously but I'm also behind on laundry and a myriad of other things so don't judge too harshly! I've got FIVE kids now! 

We have been home two weeks today. It's kind of crazy how fast two weeks have gone by! 

Since January, I tried oh so hard to prepare myself for what our life would be like once we got home. TRIED is the key word here, but it's just so hard to prepare for all the unknowns. I basically prepared to feel like I was drowning for a good year. I planned to be completely and utterly overwhelmed by our new life. I feel like these are pretty realistic expectations when you plan to add three children from hard places to your family. So how did the expectations line up with reality?

Well, two weeks in, and I'm still so surprised how easy things have been. I mean it's almost scary how smooth things are because I'm wondering when the you know what is going to hit the fan and the water is going to rise to where we can't breathe. 

Now, don't get me wrong. We have little issues here and there. Our biggest challenges have come from Rabina but I honestly can't say what is adoption related and what is just simply her being three. I totally forgot how much I hate that age! I mean twos are bad but threes suck, y'all. Two words... pull-ups and stubbornness. Those two words have been my biggest frustrations with her. Poop in pull-up? Yeah, not fun! She will now sit with Lance and even called for him the other morning. This has given me a break here and there but she still prefers me. We are also dealing with a little indiscriminate affection from little bit. I didn't think this was an issue at first but the more we've socialized the more I've noticed it. I think she just like the attention really but it's still not good to hug a stranger in the bathroom at Chick-fil-a (don't worry I caught her before she did). 

Kashila and Khushboo are doing well. Khushboo has had some emotional shutdowns and we haven't really been able to find the best way to break through and get her to put her feelings into words but we are learning. I honestly think she just has a lot of feelings that she just can't really make sense of. She's such a sweet child. Kashila can be an instigator and she tends to be stubborn. We have to be firm yet playful with her. She has been warming up to Lance which is a huge improvement. She was very cold toward him in India. I think now she's learning he's the fun one. She has the most precious smile and is so joyful (when she's not pouting). 

Brayden and Asher are doing pretty well. They continue to fight with and aggravate each other until I want to pull my hair out. Asher is doing a lot of attention seeking. We are trying to be aware of how both boys are feeling and what they need. This is hard for them but they are hanging in there really well. 

Of course we have had to adjust to bedtime routines, bathing routines (no more baths! showers for all!), and, the biggest adjustment off all, meal routines. The hardest thing for me is feeling like all I do all day is meet basic needs. If that's the hardest thing right now, then I think we're doing pretty good!  God has truly blessed us!

Some of things I'm really enjoying... their desire to keep things tidy, their laughter, they way they always ask "Where Dad is?", singing to them at night, how they remind us to pray, they way they sing "Let it go" and "For the first time", their sweet kisses, when they ask me to put lotion on them, their Indian head bob, having a van FULL, watching Brayden and Asher be loving to their new sisters, kissing Lance and watching the girls trip out about it, and so many other wonderful things! We are truly blessed!

I'm sure there will be challenges in the future. I'm sure there will come a time when we do feel like we are drowning. I don't know what tomorrow holds but I am so confident that God will continue to lead us every step of the way!

Until next time! -K